I went down to Stranmillis today to speak to the wee lad about sticking bangers up cats arses. It turned out he was about 16, 17 and not a wee kid at all. So I slapped the fuck out of him and told him that it was about time he grew out of doing that. He said he'd get the peelers on me because he was too young for me to hit. I told him if he was old enough for the army then he was old enough for me to give a kicking to.
He cried and said that he'd tell his da. I told him that his da had done nothing wrong and I didn't want to slap the fuck out of him but I might let my dog bite him if he gets on my wick about teaching his son the lessons he should have a long time ago.
He asked if I thought it was right that parents hit their kids.
I told him no but that since I was in no position to ground him or stop his pocket money the only option I had was to give him a kicking.
He said that he felt he needed a role model like me in his life, because I was cool and his da was not down wiv da kids (he didn't really say this bit but I could see it in his face, his eyes especially!)
He said he wouldn't hurt cats anymore and asked me to go in for him to the off-licence. I took his money and fucked off home with it. Lesson one.
