Today was Fabian Wildman's birthday so I bought him a cake. I'm skint on the dole so it was a nice big 99p cake from the Spar. Fabian didn't mind because he's in the zentai stage of crack withdrawl. He's jittering about the place skatting morning, noon and night,
scoodley boo scoodley boo scoodley scoodley da da toe toe scooby wooby wooby wooby just hit me now wooby wooby doo doo doo pa pa pa pa de de de de boom
is all you hear from him.
He skats for a bit then he bursts into tears and screams about wanting to see his face. I don't know who's face he means, he's started talking long into the night (between skats) with someone called Boom Fizzle. Boom Fizzle owes him money and won't give it to him. It's something to do with some robbery they've both committed that went horribly wrong. Fabian Wildman wants Boom Fizzle to armwrestle for it. These conversations always end with Fabian Wildman bouncing off the walls in his room. I run in to see what's wrong and Fabian Wildman shouts:
"That mutherfucker Boom Fizzle attacked me, he'll hurt my children, stop him please."
That's when the screaming and crying starts but five minutes later he's back skatting and shaking like a crackhead.
Anyways, he got the cake and said:
"Thanks for this but I'm not sharing it with anyone but Boom Fizzle," then he went to walk upstairs and walked into a wall and squashed the cake against his chest. The whole fucking thing fell on the floor and the only one who got any way Battle Cat.
Fabian Wildman told me I could lick some cream off his chest if I wanted. I told him no and he said that "Boom Fizzle will jump at the chance."
Then the doorbell went. I thought it might be Hot Baby Roy coming to wish him well so I answered it.
It was the peelers again looking for Fabian Wildman. There he was standing covered in cream and in a Zentai. I just said, "no one's here but me and my sweet Boom Fizzle," (this is actually a lie but it sounds cooler than what I did say so fuck it, poetic licence).
The peeler fucked off them and Fabian slithered up the stairs covering them in cream.
