Last night me and Hot Baby Roy took a dander into town to see what we could see. Passing the Ulster Hall we were confronted with the sight of lots of very underage girls dolled up like they were going to a fancy dress party as mawfucking hoes.
Hot Baby Roy was lingering slow and I told him to come on dem little ladies was gonna get us in trouble da police was everywhere like it was a paedo trap.
"I don't care about them," he said. "They all look like Miley's."
"You mean millie," I said.
"No," he corrected me. "Miley, as in Miley Cyrus. Not a Kirsten Dunst among them."
"She's in her twenties," I said.
"She was a cute teenager," this lot are on a fast track to Buckfast and pram pushing. There's subtler ways of attracting boys. Who are we?"
He went back to his daydream and didn't say anything much else apart from "I'm sexy, I'm cute, I'm popular to boot."
We didn't find anything except for an old tramp. I wanted him to tell us some street knowledge but he grumbled and boked until we grew tired and went home to find our knowledge on crap TV.
Showing posts with label wild child. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wild child. Show all posts
Sunday, 4 April 2010
Wednesday, 21 October 2009
A nice Suprise
Yesterday started off really pish. I went and bought more booze and went down to Tomb St Carpark where all the Emo kids hang out but it was too pish for them to be out so
I sat by myself listening to cars passing overhead. Then I took a walk out Corporation Square and watched the boats leave. Lucky bastards. Someday maybe me.
Then I walked home pished and pissed off. I stopped in at an internet cafe and tried to look up porn but the guy behind the counter kept staring at my screen so I could only see parts of a naked lady as I had to shrink the window and scroll.
I still haven't heard back about my job.
When I got home I found my key wouldn't work in the lock, some wee bastard probably tried to pick it. I hoped I'd get in round the back, that or maybe one of the neighbours would let me kip over at theirs.
Battle Cat ran to the back gate when I jumped over it and jumped up on me and started licking me.
"Hello pup, at least you're glad to see me," I said. He woofed in agreement.
The backdoor was easily opened but I'd no sooner got inside than the lights went on and everyone shouted "surprise!"
There was Nanny BooBoo, Hot Baby Roy, My Brothers (apart from the hot shot banker),My Protege The Sweaty Metallers, The Banshee, The Indie Kid, even Rock and Roll Stephen (who invited him?), Good King Thumpo (this could be trouble), and two girls I didn't know (my new neighbours).
I didn't have a chance to say anything before they launched into a big chorus of Happy Birthday. This was rock and roll at it's best.
After everything I didn't know what to say, I was a bit overwhelmed because I hadn't mentioned it to anyone and I hadn't planned on celebrating it.
Battle Cat saved me by coming padding in wagging his tail. He's grown so much in the past year.
"Right let's get some cake in you," said Nanny BooBoo. Then the party took off Rock and Roll style with everyone coming up to me and giving me presents and pats on the back.
Nanny BooBoo gave me a leather jacket (because in her day that's what cool dudes wore), Hot Baby Roy gave me a DVD of Wild Child ("no excuses for not watching it now," he said). The Indie Kid gave me a piece of paper that said No Hard Feelings signed Johnny Borrell, My Protege gave me some cans of spray paint which I'm sure he's stolen but he was talking about how we can do some cool graffiti together, my Metaller brother gave me a Phil Collins CD which actually had a Metallica one inside it and a post it saying - this is real Heavy Metal. Then there were all the typical bottles of assorted booze that we were going to get pished on throughout the evening.
The party was in full swing and I was having a great time running round everyone blabbing shite. My metaller brother was having a great time talking to the sweaty metallers who seemed to be getting on again (there was talk of them starting another band). I said thanks to Nanny BooBoo because I knew that it could only be her who organised it. She said that it was nothing I was always doing things to help out other people, so she thought it was time someone did something nice for me.
After a while the booze started to run low so I popped out to get some more. It was pretty late and the off-licence near me was closing. It (like a lot of fucking shops in Belfast) always closes about ten minutes before it's supposed to.
There knocking on the door was Hooka, she looked so different, she'd none of the goth witch look about her anymore, all blonde hair and pink flourescent tights.
"Hey Hooka, how've you been?" I said.
"Who are you?" she said.
"It's me, Tuesday Kid."
"Oh," she said. Then went back to knocking the door.
We weren't getting booze there. I walked off to a place I know sells it after hours (can't say where, I'd feel shit if it got busted because of me). Seeing Hooka was fucking strange.
Not as strange though as turning the next corner and seeing Fabian Wildman leaning on the gate post at the edge of someone's garden. He leaned over and boked all over the footpath.
"Tuesday Kid," he said seeing me. "You better not stick around, Mother of Bowling Ball's inside. if he comes out it'll be bad."
"Fuck him, why aren't you at my party? Why haven't you been round?"
"I've been busy with other things he said. Sandcastles came out. She took one look at me, then gave Fabian a kiss and went back inside.
"So you're not with Betty Blue anymore?" I asked.
"No, it's me and Sandcastles now, we're heading for the goal line," he said. I don't think he meant it. He'd a hole in his shoes and his clothes looked pretty dirty. He's going back into one of his phases where he sits around doing fuck all but getting wasted. I can't see her sticking with him then.
"You're a bastard, after all I did to help you out and you just shrug and fuck off with your dick head mates."
"Things are taking shape for me," he said. "You're going through some things, you need to sort them out for yourself."
"I gave you a place to live, I lied to the cops for you."
He pulled some face like this was no big deal. I wasn't to me but I could just as easily have let them arrest him.
I wanted to hit him but Mother of Bowling Ball came running out.
"So, you're Tuesday Kid? Let's see you act tough now," he said.
I dropped him with one punch.
"Fuck you," I said to Fabian Wildman, then I fucked off up the road. I even forgot to get the booze, I just went back to mine.
It was strange seeing him and Hooka. In a way I'd no bad feelings towards her. She looked like she's sorted herself out a bit, I always got the impression that she wasn't so happy with being a witch, Fabian though just looked like he was bumming from one lot to the next working out how he can get wasted and fuck about.
I went back to mine and found my party was getting a bit of a shambles too.
The Sweaty Metallers were squaring up and my metaller brother was getting in the middle telling them to take it easy. Rock and Roll Stephen was shaking with fear close to tears and a big wet patch on his tight jeans as the pish flowed down his leg. Good King Thumpo had him backed into a corner and was getting ready to hit him.
Nanny BooBoo was trying to stop The Indie Kid and My Protege from fighting with blunt butter knives. What had went wrong?
"Friends," I said jumping up on the table. "If you really are my friends then listen to me. All I want you to do for me is one thing - be cool!"
"I told you he was fucking deep," said My Protege. Everyone nodded. Then this started playing.
Hot Baby Roy (who put the song on) lined us all up and got his camera out. He told us to look at it and shout "Who are we?"
A deep question indeed. Some people maybe look to me for the answer. I just realised it's not important to answer it.
I sat by myself listening to cars passing overhead. Then I took a walk out Corporation Square and watched the boats leave. Lucky bastards. Someday maybe me.
Then I walked home pished and pissed off. I stopped in at an internet cafe and tried to look up porn but the guy behind the counter kept staring at my screen so I could only see parts of a naked lady as I had to shrink the window and scroll.
I still haven't heard back about my job.
When I got home I found my key wouldn't work in the lock, some wee bastard probably tried to pick it. I hoped I'd get in round the back, that or maybe one of the neighbours would let me kip over at theirs.
Battle Cat ran to the back gate when I jumped over it and jumped up on me and started licking me.
"Hello pup, at least you're glad to see me," I said. He woofed in agreement.
The backdoor was easily opened but I'd no sooner got inside than the lights went on and everyone shouted "surprise!"
There was Nanny BooBoo, Hot Baby Roy, My Brothers (apart from the hot shot banker),My Protege The Sweaty Metallers, The Banshee, The Indie Kid, even Rock and Roll Stephen (who invited him?), Good King Thumpo (this could be trouble), and two girls I didn't know (my new neighbours).
I didn't have a chance to say anything before they launched into a big chorus of Happy Birthday. This was rock and roll at it's best.
After everything I didn't know what to say, I was a bit overwhelmed because I hadn't mentioned it to anyone and I hadn't planned on celebrating it.
Battle Cat saved me by coming padding in wagging his tail. He's grown so much in the past year.
"Right let's get some cake in you," said Nanny BooBoo. Then the party took off Rock and Roll style with everyone coming up to me and giving me presents and pats on the back.
Nanny BooBoo gave me a leather jacket (because in her day that's what cool dudes wore), Hot Baby Roy gave me a DVD of Wild Child ("no excuses for not watching it now," he said). The Indie Kid gave me a piece of paper that said No Hard Feelings signed Johnny Borrell, My Protege gave me some cans of spray paint which I'm sure he's stolen but he was talking about how we can do some cool graffiti together, my Metaller brother gave me a Phil Collins CD which actually had a Metallica one inside it and a post it saying - this is real Heavy Metal. Then there were all the typical bottles of assorted booze that we were going to get pished on throughout the evening.
The party was in full swing and I was having a great time running round everyone blabbing shite. My metaller brother was having a great time talking to the sweaty metallers who seemed to be getting on again (there was talk of them starting another band). I said thanks to Nanny BooBoo because I knew that it could only be her who organised it. She said that it was nothing I was always doing things to help out other people, so she thought it was time someone did something nice for me.
After a while the booze started to run low so I popped out to get some more. It was pretty late and the off-licence near me was closing. It (like a lot of fucking shops in Belfast) always closes about ten minutes before it's supposed to.
There knocking on the door was Hooka, she looked so different, she'd none of the goth witch look about her anymore, all blonde hair and pink flourescent tights.
"Hey Hooka, how've you been?" I said.
"Who are you?" she said.
"It's me, Tuesday Kid."
"Oh," she said. Then went back to knocking the door.
We weren't getting booze there. I walked off to a place I know sells it after hours (can't say where, I'd feel shit if it got busted because of me). Seeing Hooka was fucking strange.
Not as strange though as turning the next corner and seeing Fabian Wildman leaning on the gate post at the edge of someone's garden. He leaned over and boked all over the footpath.
"Tuesday Kid," he said seeing me. "You better not stick around, Mother of Bowling Ball's inside. if he comes out it'll be bad."
"Fuck him, why aren't you at my party? Why haven't you been round?"
"I've been busy with other things he said. Sandcastles came out. She took one look at me, then gave Fabian a kiss and went back inside.
"So you're not with Betty Blue anymore?" I asked.
"No, it's me and Sandcastles now, we're heading for the goal line," he said. I don't think he meant it. He'd a hole in his shoes and his clothes looked pretty dirty. He's going back into one of his phases where he sits around doing fuck all but getting wasted. I can't see her sticking with him then.
"You're a bastard, after all I did to help you out and you just shrug and fuck off with your dick head mates."
"Things are taking shape for me," he said. "You're going through some things, you need to sort them out for yourself."
"I gave you a place to live, I lied to the cops for you."
He pulled some face like this was no big deal. I wasn't to me but I could just as easily have let them arrest him.
I wanted to hit him but Mother of Bowling Ball came running out.
"So, you're Tuesday Kid? Let's see you act tough now," he said.
I dropped him with one punch.
"Fuck you," I said to Fabian Wildman, then I fucked off up the road. I even forgot to get the booze, I just went back to mine.
It was strange seeing him and Hooka. In a way I'd no bad feelings towards her. She looked like she's sorted herself out a bit, I always got the impression that she wasn't so happy with being a witch, Fabian though just looked like he was bumming from one lot to the next working out how he can get wasted and fuck about.
I went back to mine and found my party was getting a bit of a shambles too.
The Sweaty Metallers were squaring up and my metaller brother was getting in the middle telling them to take it easy. Rock and Roll Stephen was shaking with fear close to tears and a big wet patch on his tight jeans as the pish flowed down his leg. Good King Thumpo had him backed into a corner and was getting ready to hit him.
Nanny BooBoo was trying to stop The Indie Kid and My Protege from fighting with blunt butter knives. What had went wrong?
"Friends," I said jumping up on the table. "If you really are my friends then listen to me. All I want you to do for me is one thing - be cool!"
"I told you he was fucking deep," said My Protege. Everyone nodded. Then this started playing.
Hot Baby Roy (who put the song on) lined us all up and got his camera out. He told us to look at it and shout "Who are we?"
A deep question indeed. Some people maybe look to me for the answer. I just realised it's not important to answer it.
Tuesday, 29 September 2009
Hot Baby Roy Stays In London and Searches in Time for Jack The Ripper
I let Hot Baby Roy stay over because the doctor said he was concussed. This meant he needed someone to watch him and make sure he didn't die. So I sat up and woke him after every couple of hours. This was bad because he said that he couldn't go to sleep without a wank and I told him he wasn't allowed to wank in the house. The next day I woke up to find he'd made me a big ulster fry to say thanks and bought Battle Cat some Pedigree Chum (which even though it's expensive it gives him the runs).
Hot Baby Roy seems to have changed his tune a bit. He was telling me that he was away in London for a week visiting his sister. He said that he spent a lot of time down in shoreditch because he'd read a book about there being prostitutes there and William Burroughs was a time traveller and he was the real Jack the Ripper.
I asked him if he managed to fuck any prostitutes. I was only joking but he took thick and said that he romanced them and bought them flowers and read poetry to them. Then he fucked them.
Then he said that as a big thank you he was going to go and get Wild Child and we'd watch it tonight!
I didn't want to upset him because he looked a sorry state with his big swollen face and his ginger hair with streaks of blood through it. When he tried to smile I felt sorry for him and thought he looked like he didn't deserve his beating, even though he probably did.
Hot Baby Roy seems to have changed his tune a bit. He was telling me that he was away in London for a week visiting his sister. He said that he spent a lot of time down in shoreditch because he'd read a book about there being prostitutes there and William Burroughs was a time traveller and he was the real Jack the Ripper.
I asked him if he managed to fuck any prostitutes. I was only joking but he took thick and said that he romanced them and bought them flowers and read poetry to them. Then he fucked them.
Then he said that as a big thank you he was going to go and get Wild Child and we'd watch it tonight!
I didn't want to upset him because he looked a sorry state with his big swollen face and his ginger hair with streaks of blood through it. When he tried to smile I felt sorry for him and thought he looked like he didn't deserve his beating, even though he probably did.
Saturday, 29 August 2009
Hot Baby Roy gets hot sweaty and sticky
Hot Baby Roy came round last night and said that he wanted to know the crack about Bratz. I gave him the DVD back and said I didn't know he'd left it here.
"Great wasn't it!" he beamed proudly.
"I didn't watch it," I shrugged. "And I don't want to watch Wild Child either," I said motioning at the DVD under his arm.
"It's okay," he said, near in tears, "I'll go away."
"No don't," I said. "Come in I'm about to watch Barbwire. It's about bigger girls. Well just one in particular."
Hot Baby Roy licked his lips and waved a box of tissues at me.
"I knew we'd need these," he said happily.
"You're not wanking in my house," I said. "I might, but you can forget it."
"Just a joke," he sniggered. But I'm sure he muttered something about Fabian Wildman letting him do it.
After Barbwire he wanted to stick around and talk about Hot Baby Roy stuff. He said that his favourite song was Girls Aloud's The Loving Kind.
I told him I wasn't keen on it and that it thought it was Call The Shots Part 2. He said this wasn't so and that Call The Shots was about life and stuff but that The Loving Kind was about Ashley Cole cheating on Cheryl and that it was nothing to do with the rest of the band. You can tell this because she wears white in the video and the rest wear black. I told him I heard the Pet Shop Boys wrote it and he got pissed off and changed the subject. He said that the ginger was hot and I asked him if he thought that because he was a ginger too.
He said that had nothing to do with it because lots of non-gingers like her. I told him I didn't think gingers should be allowed to mate with other gingers.
"Who's talking about MATING?" he shouted."I want to FUCK."
"Great wasn't it!" he beamed proudly.
"I didn't watch it," I shrugged. "And I don't want to watch Wild Child either," I said motioning at the DVD under his arm.
"It's okay," he said, near in tears, "I'll go away."
"No don't," I said. "Come in I'm about to watch Barbwire. It's about bigger girls. Well just one in particular."
Hot Baby Roy licked his lips and waved a box of tissues at me.
"I knew we'd need these," he said happily.
"You're not wanking in my house," I said. "I might, but you can forget it."
"Just a joke," he sniggered. But I'm sure he muttered something about Fabian Wildman letting him do it.
After Barbwire he wanted to stick around and talk about Hot Baby Roy stuff. He said that his favourite song was Girls Aloud's The Loving Kind.
I told him I wasn't keen on it and that it thought it was Call The Shots Part 2. He said this wasn't so and that Call The Shots was about life and stuff but that The Loving Kind was about Ashley Cole cheating on Cheryl and that it was nothing to do with the rest of the band. You can tell this because she wears white in the video and the rest wear black. I told him I heard the Pet Shop Boys wrote it and he got pissed off and changed the subject. He said that the ginger was hot and I asked him if he thought that because he was a ginger too.
He said that had nothing to do with it because lots of non-gingers like her. I told him I didn't think gingers should be allowed to mate with other gingers.
"Who's talking about MATING?" he shouted."I want to FUCK."
Sunday, 23 August 2009
A Long Fucking Day
Yesterday was a weird one. Firstly it was my fruitarian brother's birthday. I haven't heard anything from any of them since my "intervention" so I didn't really know what to do. In the end I sent him a text and I got one back saying some balls about how he's thinking of going off meat again. I'll look forward to missing this intervention.
Secondly one of the sweaty metallers moved out. There was loads of shouting about how the other was "a spandex licking mutherfucker" mutherfucker was emphasised in that way that metallers sometimes do when they're wanting to get extra metal about something.
Fabian's thinking he might move in there. I think he should just stay here. The cops haven't been round in ages.
I asked him why didn't bring round Sandcastles and The Unicorn Girl again. He said that they'd been scared off by Hot Baby Roy and especially Clarence. Clarence told the Unicorn Girl that he liked to get drunk at the weekends and slap the fuck out of indie kids. Me and good king thumpo did this once but I didn't say. Fabian saw I looked upset but he didn't know why. He said he was seeing them again tonight and he'd say to them about maybe calling round again.
After he left Hot Baby Roy called round in tears saying that he couldn't find his Bratz DVD, he'd left it here but I was so pissed off I told him I hadn't seen it. He said he was going to bring round Wild Child someday soon because there was a hot dance routine in it, he saw I wasn't impressed so he added, "and there's stuff about emotions and friendship in it too."
Secondly one of the sweaty metallers moved out. There was loads of shouting about how the other was "a spandex licking mutherfucker" mutherfucker was emphasised in that way that metallers sometimes do when they're wanting to get extra metal about something.
Fabian's thinking he might move in there. I think he should just stay here. The cops haven't been round in ages.
I asked him why didn't bring round Sandcastles and The Unicorn Girl again. He said that they'd been scared off by Hot Baby Roy and especially Clarence. Clarence told the Unicorn Girl that he liked to get drunk at the weekends and slap the fuck out of indie kids. Me and good king thumpo did this once but I didn't say. Fabian saw I looked upset but he didn't know why. He said he was seeing them again tonight and he'd say to them about maybe calling round again.
After he left Hot Baby Roy called round in tears saying that he couldn't find his Bratz DVD, he'd left it here but I was so pissed off I told him I hadn't seen it. He said he was going to bring round Wild Child someday soon because there was a hot dance routine in it, he saw I wasn't impressed so he added, "and there's stuff about emotions and friendship in it too."
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