I've been dying for a smoke of crack all week and today I couldn't take it any more. I went out to the bin to search for my pipe, to find that the bins had already been emptied. I went in the house and started pacing up and down the living room thinking about how I could get myself some crack and be back here and high in under an hour.
Then I went to the cupboard and found a bottle of Vodka. I thought if I'd a few slugs of it it'd calm me down. I downed it in about ten minutes and felt great for about half an hour then I boked all over the place and passed out.
When I woke up the house was empty and in darkness.
I went across the street still a bit pissed to speak to the indie dick who filmed me pishing through Hooka's letter box.
"What do you want?" he said.
I grabbed him by the throat.
"What do you think you're at videoing me with your phone you wee wanker?"
Some Razorlight rock and rollers came piling out of the livingroom.
"Let go of him bozo," they said.
"Okay," I said letting him go. "I want you to destroy that video."
He started laughing and looking at his mates. I kneed him in the balls and brought my fist up to hit him in the mouth as he doubled up.
He keeled over unconscious. His mates stood there looking worried.
"Any of you wee wankers fancy a taste?" I asked them. They shook their heads.
I went through the wee indie wanker's pockets and found his phone. I found the video on it and deleted it. Then I put it back in his pocket.
"See when he comes round," I said to his mates. "Tell him if he's made any copies he'd better delete them too, because if I find out there's any floating around I'll give him some more of the same."
