Party Down and Go Fuck Yourself Creepy Poster Mutherfucker

Thanks to Patty Pat and Emma for posting the video below:



I had my own experience with this guy a few months ago. I was out one day sticking up my stickers round Belfast (you know the ones) when I saw this guy on his bike in front of me, he was ripping down posters and some of my stickers (bastard). I followed him through the city replacing my stickers as he took them down.

I lost him somewhere at the top of the Ormeau Road (where it meets the Ravenhill Road). I'm not too bothered by him because I'm going to win. I'll stick my stickers up everywhere I find him or some other prick has taken them down.

He can party down and go fuck himself just like me.

Caught Shoplifting for the First Time

Those of you who've been reading my blog for a while will know that I occasionally like to boast that I've never been caught shoplifting. This is no longer true. Today I was caught red-handed in Dunnes Stores on the Ormeau Road of all places.

Recently I've been getting a bit smug about my shoplifting, even going as far as to announce on this blog that I was going shoplifting in HMV before I went. This is called hubris.

Today I finally met my Hubris, it wasn't some security guard hyped up on steroids and a lack of recent paramilitary activity, not was it a crafty store detective with his ear to the street.

It was a wee middle aged shelf stacker who was supposed to be watching where her Custard Creme's.

One of my favourite tricks is when I weigh my fruit and veg that I set it on the scales and hold it up so that only a little of the weight registers. I've been known to get a nice big bunch of bananas for only twenty P.

Only today feeling like I was master theif I smuggly forgot to check who was watching and this nasty wee trout saw everything.

I was stopped at the till and my bananas, onions and carrots re-weighed.

"We're not going to call security this time," the till operator smuggly said. (A mouthy bitch with short reddish hair and glasses - fuck you too love).

"You're scales must be faulty," I shrugged.

"They're not faulty," she spat in disgust. "The girls who work here aren't stupid."

"That's why they're stacking shelves in Dunnes," I shrugged holding out the wrists, daring them to cuff me. "Arrest me or Party Down and Go Fuck Yourselves."

Then I walked free, letting them keep their fucking bananas and I kept my criminal record clean, which is good because when overpopulation gets out of control the first people who will be gotten rid of will be the crims, even before the old crumblies.

Crap Day in Belfast

Nanny Boo Boo´s house is much nicer than mine and I´m half tempted to stay there but I´ve drunk all the wine and there´s not much else in the fridge so I had to go back to mine today.

My house is a bit skanky and to tell you the truth if I was paying the money rather than the housing executive I´d move out.

I played some groovy spoons while I waited on the radiator to heat up. I think it´s pish that not only does Fabian Wildman not come round but Hot Baby Roy stays away too. I went down Lisburn Road looking for Good King Thumpo but he was nowhere to be seen. Apparently he hasn´t been seen for ages. I hope he´s in jail or lying at home with broken legs.

Then I bought a bottle of whiskey and walked up and down the Lisburn Road, Botanic Avenue, Ormeau Road and on out into the countryside hoping to see a friendly face but all I saw were phantoms...

I almost felt like buying some crack.

My Dog is Missing

Battle Cat got out this morning. At first I thought it was satanists but I told myself I was just being paranoid. I first found out when I went to feed him. The gate was open and he was away.

I woke Fabian Wildman and he came out to help me look for him. We searched all the nearby streets but he was nowhere to be seen. Both of us were running about in oul tracksuit bottoms so we went back to get dressed before searching more.

The Sweaty Metallers and their new recruit, The Banshee, were just about to go in for a heavy metal rock and roll jam when they saw I was crying. They asked what was up and I told them Battle Cat was missing. They said they'd come and help me but I said it was okay. They insisted they were helping, so me and Fabian Wildman went and got dressed and met them back outside. Mr Spoon was there too and he said he'd help. Fabian Wildman phoned Betty Blue who said she'd meet us down at the Lagan Meadows.

We split into three groups Me and Mr Spoon, Fabian and Betty Blue, and the Sweaty Metallers and The Banshee. We searched for hours but there was no sign of him anywhere. Me and Mr Spoon went into Botanic Gardens and then up to Ormeau Park. Fabian and Betty Blue checked The Lagan Meadows as far down as Shaw's Bridge and The Sweaty Metallers and The Banshee checked further up the path from the Ormeau Road out to the Obel Tower but no luck. I'm just back in to get some food and then I'm off out again for another look.

The leader of the Razorlight Fanclub

We got up late in the house. Fabian Wildman seemed okay after last night and Battle Cat even managed to shit on the newspaper I'd spread out for him in the kitchen.

Fabian took Battle Cat out for a walk and I went to the Dunnes on the Ormeau Road to buy some food. I used to like shopping here because it was cheap but now I only go here because it's one of the few shops left that allows you to pay by cheque. The even better thing is that it isn't even my cheque book that I'm paying with. Fabian managed to lay his hands on one while he was on the rob. He says he got it out of a student house. Most of them only have cheques to pay their rent so hopefully they won't notice it's gone until January.

While I was at the shop I bumped into Rock and Roll Stephen. Rock and Roll Stephen is a mixed bag: He's one of those people who will be friendly with you when it's just you and him, or he's at some place and you're the only person he knows, but if you're out at the Limelight or Katy Daly's and he's with the Razorlight Fan Club (his rock and roll friends) then he'd just blank you.

He comes strutting up to me and launches into a long and boring spiel about how some girl told him he looks like Johnny Borrell but he thinks it's only because they both have curly hair. I don't know who Johnny Borrell is but Rock and Roll Stephen explains that he is the leader of Razorlight. He says the word leader as if we're all marching with him.

I walk away while Rock and Roll Stephen is mid-sentence because he always does that to people and it's why a lot of people don't like him.

He's put me in a shit mood talking about Johnny Borrell: I don't like him because he went out with Hermione. Well not really Hermione, the actress Emma Watson who plays her in the films, but it's still closer than I'll ever get.