Shoplifting

Being a vain sort I often look to see what sites link back here. I've found a really good one recently with a great piece on shoplifting.

I've shoplifted loads in Belfast. It's a great passtime. I never really did it for fun or kicks or whatever. I mostly did it because I needed food, or clothes, or money for crack. You might argue that there's a difference in need and want but that's for another time.

One of the most interesting things about theft is how society looks at it and both how and who gets punished most severely for it. An example being the riots in England in August that started in Tottenham and spread throughout the country.

What was interesting about what was taken was that it was mostly status items (shit trainers and expensive electrical stuff). The riots were wrong, sure and you can say that the rioters deserved to be punished. Where this falls down is the fact that our politicians stole from us (as we found out during the expenses scandal), and as yet I think only one politician has gone to jail for this and even then he was released shortly after. In August a man was imprisoned for four years for posting some shit on facebook encouraging people to riot (there's no evidence that this post actually led to any rioting).It seems that for people of elevated status theft warrants a less severe punishment.

The issue again gets blown out of proportion when dickhead tabloid journalists start frothing at the mouth about it, and the fact that the majority of their readers are also dickheads means that although the public see an issue as serious, it's the public themselves which are hard to take seriously (unless they're busting into your house to give you a kicking - which happens from time to time - though not to me).

Even looking at the headlines on a tabloid newspaper makes me feel like I'm being shouted at by an incredibly thick person who thinks I agree with them.

That's why when I go back to a shop in Belfast that I've stolen from I feel slightly smug and walk around thinking about how I got away with it, and how here's me and who's going to catch me now. (You see I was never caught and I don't do it anymore - so anyone who doesn't like it can suck it).

Here's a link to the article. It refers you back here to share my glory days of shoplifting if you go down far enough, so you can go on a never ending loop between our websites if you fancy it.

Crap Day in Belfast

Nanny Boo Boo´s house is much nicer than mine and I´m half tempted to stay there but I´ve drunk all the wine and there´s not much else in the fridge so I had to go back to mine today.

My house is a bit skanky and to tell you the truth if I was paying the money rather than the housing executive I´d move out.

I played some groovy spoons while I waited on the radiator to heat up. I think it´s pish that not only does Fabian Wildman not come round but Hot Baby Roy stays away too. I went down Lisburn Road looking for Good King Thumpo but he was nowhere to be seen. Apparently he hasn´t been seen for ages. I hope he´s in jail or lying at home with broken legs.

Then I bought a bottle of whiskey and walked up and down the Lisburn Road, Botanic Avenue, Ormeau Road and on out into the countryside hoping to see a friendly face but all I saw were phantoms...

I almost felt like buying some crack.

Fabian Opens Up Doors for my Heart

Me and Fabian Wildman were talking about him moving out over the past few days and much as I think he's in the clear he says that he's heard knocks at the door when I've been out and he didn't answer because he didn't want hauled off to jail. He has every intention of staying free just like Braveheart.

We went on Daft and Gumtree and we've viewings lined up this week for Florencville Avenue, Dunluce Avenue, Camden St, Candahar St and Cairo St.

Fabian Wildman wants me to come and view the houses with him. I'm looking forward to it. I hope he moves in with a sexy girl. Cos he's with Betty Blue and I can call round and if he's not there I'll say I'll hang about til he gets home then I'll letch on her and we'll fall in love.

Speaking of Betty Blue he's got her a voucher for a sexy spa where he says they'll sort her bush out. Two birds with one stone he keeps saying. He's very methodical when he's off the crack.

Giving Fabian the Summons.

I hate the fucking Jonas Brothers, and when I discovered that the wee wanker across the street had started dressing like one of them and has had his hair permed I could have stormed over there and asked for Johnny Borrell's autograph back, even though it's fake (oops!)

Just then Fabian Wildman came down the stairs. This was the moment of truth. I gave him the court summons. He asked me what it was. I mumbled something and couldn't bring myself to say it. You see Fabian Wildman has criminal convictions and he's liable to get some time for what he did, even if it's only a few months. At the very least he'll get a big fine and a suspended sentence.

He looked really worried.

"I'm going to get really fucked over this," he said, he looked like he was about to cry. "Did that bastard bring it round."

"I'm sorry I went round your old house to kick his fuck in but he wasn't there."

Then he looked down at the court summons and started to laugh. I thought he'd went coco bongo for a minute.

"It's not for me," he said, seeing the surprise on my face.

"What?" I asked.

"This isn't my name," he chuckled. And then I looked closer at it (and without revealing his real name) they'd addressed it to (the equivalent of) Fabien Wildmen.

"That won't get you off," I said in disbelief.

"Sit back and watch," he said. "But don't really, I'm going to wait til a few days before the court to let them know."

Jammy bastard. I hope this works for him because if it doesn't the only logical option he has is to move house again and that would suck.