Hot Baby Roy had Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince and a big bowl of home popped pop-corn waiting for me when I got home last night.
He was so excited and said this was going to be the best thing since we met the Leotard Girls. I was very excited too and had been lucky to have bought a big bag of Doritos on the way home.
We sat down and got ready for a whole evening of Hermione and the other peeps. Hot Baby Roy very quickly started talking about how sexy Emma Watson looked but I asked him not to break my suspension of disbelief; I liked to think I was spending the evening with Hermione Granger, not an actress playing her.
He said this was cool and we watched the whole thing without him spoiling it for me once, we salivated and mopped it off or mouths and chins with doritos and popcorn then at the end of the evening sad as we were (I won't spoil the ending) we went up stairs and wanked. (I could say I assumed that Hot Baby Roy wanked but that's like saying if it's wet outside that you assumed it has rained, not that I saw any fluid from him).
Showing posts with label Emma Watson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emma Watson. Show all posts
Wednesday, 9 December 2009
Saturday, 25 July 2009
An Invitation of Sorts
Today me and Fabian Wildman walked to Ormeau Park with Battle Cat, He said he really likes it here and it would be shit if they turned it into the national stadium and that they should put it somewhere else.
I asked him if he wanted it put elsewhere, he said he didn't care he just didn't want it there.
He told me that he thinks we need to talk. He said he thinks that I've been single for a while and that he thinks it's because of Hooka. I told him it wasn't.
He said that he knew that I really liked Hooka and that when she fucked off I just made some remark about how I was glad it was all out of the way and that maybe I was but that he was sure I just kept a lot of it inside and didn't let it out and that he thinks I should.
I said that wasn't true and that it was easy enough for him to say that because he was with Betty Blue and he could run around in his slinky zentai and get her to let him eat boiled eggs out of her pussy.
He said that he'd been with Betty Blue for a while now and that he was very happy with her but it could end, and if it did he'd be sad but he's aware that it's not set in stone and it's all about having the balls to give it a go.
I told him I did have balls and he took out a picture of Hermione Granger.
"You see this woman? This is Emma Watson who plays Hermione Granger. You could someday become her boyfriend..."
"Yeah right, like she'd look twice at me," I snorted.
"You could," he said. "Stranger things have happened. But you need to know that even if you did, you'd not be going out with Hermionne Granger. You can't. It can't be done. She only exists in the fictional world of J.K Rowling."
"And in the hearts of Potter fans everywhere," I said triumphantly.
"The point I'm trying to make is you need to start fancying real women. Not fantasy girls who only exist on TV or in books."
"What about Hot Baby Roy?" I said.
"I've had this chat with him last night. But forget about him, do you see what I'm saying?"
"I suppose," I said.
"Because if you do then Betty Blue is having a party at hers tonight with her arty pals, you might meet someone you like there, but not if you're going looking for Hermione Granger."
"I don't want some wierdo who drinks paint and tries to shit international blue either," I mumbled. We'll see how it goes.
I asked him if he wanted it put elsewhere, he said he didn't care he just didn't want it there.
He told me that he thinks we need to talk. He said he thinks that I've been single for a while and that he thinks it's because of Hooka. I told him it wasn't.
He said that he knew that I really liked Hooka and that when she fucked off I just made some remark about how I was glad it was all out of the way and that maybe I was but that he was sure I just kept a lot of it inside and didn't let it out and that he thinks I should.
I said that wasn't true and that it was easy enough for him to say that because he was with Betty Blue and he could run around in his slinky zentai and get her to let him eat boiled eggs out of her pussy.
He said that he'd been with Betty Blue for a while now and that he was very happy with her but it could end, and if it did he'd be sad but he's aware that it's not set in stone and it's all about having the balls to give it a go.
I told him I did have balls and he took out a picture of Hermione Granger.
"You see this woman? This is Emma Watson who plays Hermione Granger. You could someday become her boyfriend..."
"Yeah right, like she'd look twice at me," I snorted.
"You could," he said. "Stranger things have happened. But you need to know that even if you did, you'd not be going out with Hermionne Granger. You can't. It can't be done. She only exists in the fictional world of J.K Rowling."
"And in the hearts of Potter fans everywhere," I said triumphantly.
"The point I'm trying to make is you need to start fancying real women. Not fantasy girls who only exist on TV or in books."
"What about Hot Baby Roy?" I said.
"I've had this chat with him last night. But forget about him, do you see what I'm saying?"
"I suppose," I said.
"Because if you do then Betty Blue is having a party at hers tonight with her arty pals, you might meet someone you like there, but not if you're going looking for Hermione Granger."
"I don't want some wierdo who drinks paint and tries to shit international blue either," I mumbled. We'll see how it goes.
Wednesday, 22 July 2009
A Critique of Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging
Hot Baby Roy hasn't been over since we watched Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging he left the DVD for us in case we wanted to view it alone.
I told Fabian Wildman that I thought Hot Baby Roy was a sleaze and that I felt uncomfortable watching that pish movie the other night. Fabian Wildman said that he thought the movie was quite sweet and he'd enjoyed it. I'd just sat through it looking for things to sneer at and that I should have just relaxed and watched it.
I said it was so bad I fell asleep.
He said I should watch it again, like Hot Baby Roy suggested, because he thinks I have more in common with Hot Baby Roy than I probably realise. He said that both me and Hot Baby Roy have been single for a long time so Hot Baby Roy lives vacariously through romance movies and I just sneer at anything that suggests affection because I'm scared of being rejected.
I said this wasn't the case, that I had initiated two sexes this year so far, with two different girls, one of them an American and the other a rock and roll vomit heavy metaller, and neither one had shown even the slightest intention of knocking me back.
He said it hardly made me Joey from Friends but that he wasn't just talking about sex he was talking about connecting with someone. He thinks me and Hot Baby Roy should look for girlfriends instead of lusting after Hermione Granger/ Emma Watson.
I hope he doesn't have a point but I suspect he might have one. I'm going to go and walk Battle Cat and mull it over.
I told Fabian Wildman that I thought Hot Baby Roy was a sleaze and that I felt uncomfortable watching that pish movie the other night. Fabian Wildman said that he thought the movie was quite sweet and he'd enjoyed it. I'd just sat through it looking for things to sneer at and that I should have just relaxed and watched it.
I said it was so bad I fell asleep.
He said I should watch it again, like Hot Baby Roy suggested, because he thinks I have more in common with Hot Baby Roy than I probably realise. He said that both me and Hot Baby Roy have been single for a long time so Hot Baby Roy lives vacariously through romance movies and I just sneer at anything that suggests affection because I'm scared of being rejected.
I said this wasn't the case, that I had initiated two sexes this year so far, with two different girls, one of them an American and the other a rock and roll vomit heavy metaller, and neither one had shown even the slightest intention of knocking me back.
He said it hardly made me Joey from Friends but that he wasn't just talking about sex he was talking about connecting with someone. He thinks me and Hot Baby Roy should look for girlfriends instead of lusting after Hermione Granger/ Emma Watson.
I hope he doesn't have a point but I suspect he might have one. I'm going to go and walk Battle Cat and mull it over.
Monday, 13 July 2009
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Orangemuggles
Fabian Wildman was all excited when he saw me this morning. I thought it was because he was getting ready to go to the parades. He said it was because he'd some good news for me.
He said that he read that the Ron Weasley had the swine flu and that now was my chance to get hot and heavy with Hermione Granger. I told him that Ron Weasley was fine and that it was only the actor Rupert Grint who acted him that was sick but that he was better and if I ever had a chance I'd missed it.
He looked a bit crestfallen, but he soon cheered up when I asked him what he was doing today. He said he'd sniffed some sharpies and he was off to watch the parades. He asked if I fancied joining him, it's not really my thing but it's been a while since we done felt tips together, so I stuck a blue white board marker up my nose and off we went.
We were there for a wee while digging on da tunes when I said to Fabian Wildman that they should write some tunes for dancing.
This spide said that I wasn't a true prod and that him and his mates would fight me.
I told him he had a point but that I'd a better one and I'd be sticking it up his arse with my foot.
Apart from that the rest of the day was fine.
He said that he read that the Ron Weasley had the swine flu and that now was my chance to get hot and heavy with Hermione Granger. I told him that Ron Weasley was fine and that it was only the actor Rupert Grint who acted him that was sick but that he was better and if I ever had a chance I'd missed it.
He looked a bit crestfallen, but he soon cheered up when I asked him what he was doing today. He said he'd sniffed some sharpies and he was off to watch the parades. He asked if I fancied joining him, it's not really my thing but it's been a while since we done felt tips together, so I stuck a blue white board marker up my nose and off we went.
We were there for a wee while digging on da tunes when I said to Fabian Wildman that they should write some tunes for dancing.
This spide said that I wasn't a true prod and that him and his mates would fight me.
I told him he had a point but that I'd a better one and I'd be sticking it up his arse with my foot.
Apart from that the rest of the day was fine.
Friday, 10 July 2009
The Hermione Granger Fan Club
Hot Baby Roy might read my blogs because after me slagging him off a bit recently he showed up at the house today saying that he'd a present for me.
I was a bit dubious but he went into his coat pocket and pulled out a folded up bit of paper to reveal a picture of the lovely Emma Watson who plays the gorgeous Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies.
He said he was a big fan of hers but he knew I was too so he thought he'd bring me a gift.
I was very happy.
I invited him in for a cup of tea and a chat about Hermione.
It soon turned out that Hot Baby Roy was more into Emma Watson and I was more into Hermione. I told him my love for Hermione was pure, while he said he'd love to have sex with Emma Watson under a waterfall.
I didn't fancy his chances but I told him that was a nice thing to think about.
He said that if Razorlight could do it, so could he, because Razorlight was an ugly bastard and Hot Baby Roy had moves.
He has a point there but I'm not so sure her and Razorlight did the deed. I suspect if they did that Razorlight would boast about it in a song.
He said that when he came off crack he'd written her a letter, not about sex but about the other emotions he felt for her. She never replied. He included a picture in it too. That might be the reason why.
He said he was doing his Care Bear Stare in the photo and that if he ever met her he'd do it and he'd be sure to win her heart. He did it for me and I told him he'd have more luck if he just bundled her into the back of a van.
He asked what me and Fabian Wildman were doing for the twelfth. I told him I didn't know about Fabian Wildman but I liked to sleep all day and wank a bit. I waved the Hermione picture at him to show I appreciated the effort because he looked a bit sad that we weren't doing anything.
Perhaps Hot Baby Roy is lonely like I used to be.
I was a bit dubious but he went into his coat pocket and pulled out a folded up bit of paper to reveal a picture of the lovely Emma Watson who plays the gorgeous Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies.
He said he was a big fan of hers but he knew I was too so he thought he'd bring me a gift.
I was very happy.
I invited him in for a cup of tea and a chat about Hermione.
It soon turned out that Hot Baby Roy was more into Emma Watson and I was more into Hermione. I told him my love for Hermione was pure, while he said he'd love to have sex with Emma Watson under a waterfall.
I didn't fancy his chances but I told him that was a nice thing to think about.
He said that if Razorlight could do it, so could he, because Razorlight was an ugly bastard and Hot Baby Roy had moves.
He has a point there but I'm not so sure her and Razorlight did the deed. I suspect if they did that Razorlight would boast about it in a song.
He said that when he came off crack he'd written her a letter, not about sex but about the other emotions he felt for her. She never replied. He included a picture in it too. That might be the reason why.
He said he was doing his Care Bear Stare in the photo and that if he ever met her he'd do it and he'd be sure to win her heart. He did it for me and I told him he'd have more luck if he just bundled her into the back of a van.
He asked what me and Fabian Wildman were doing for the twelfth. I told him I didn't know about Fabian Wildman but I liked to sleep all day and wank a bit. I waved the Hermione picture at him to show I appreciated the effort because he looked a bit sad that we weren't doing anything.
Perhaps Hot Baby Roy is lonely like I used to be.
Friday, 3 July 2009
Hermione Granger is further away than ever and the guy from Abba is a weirdo
I stayed in tonight because I'm skint as fuck and Fabian Wildman sat all sulky and teary eyed trying to start conversations with me about Jacko that I'd no interest in. I was contemplating licking the bowl (that's how far gone I was) when Jonathan Ross came on. I like Johno and I haven't watched him in ages. So I thought I'd check him out. I was so happy to find that his first guest was the sexy Hermione Granger (well, not Hermione really, it was Emma Watson who plays her in the films). Anyways Emma was being all cool and funny and I think I've forgiven her for dating Razorlight (I hate him). Then she turns round and says she has a boyfriend. I was fucking livid I nearly kicked the tv round the house for the rest of the evening. I tried to hold back but I was seriously considering doing it anyway when she says that she had to kiss Ron Weasley and it felt like incest. I felt a wee throb in my crotch and gave myself a good rub down. I was a bit all over the place for the rest of the show until I saw Benny from Abba's sixties band the Hep Stars. Here they are, what a weird bunch of fuckers:
Sunday, 14 December 2008
The leader of the Razorlight Fanclub
We got up late in the house. Fabian Wildman seemed okay after last night and Battle Cat even managed to shit on the newspaper I'd spread out for him in the kitchen.
Fabian took Battle Cat out for a walk and I went to the Dunnes on the Ormeau Road to buy some food. I used to like shopping here because it was cheap but now I only go here because it's one of the few shops left that allows you to pay by cheque. The even better thing is that it isn't even my cheque book that I'm paying with. Fabian managed to lay his hands on one while he was on the rob. He says he got it out of a student house. Most of them only have cheques to pay their rent so hopefully they won't notice it's gone until January.
While I was at the shop I bumped into Rock and Roll Stephen. Rock and Roll Stephen is a mixed bag: He's one of those people who will be friendly with you when it's just you and him, or he's at some place and you're the only person he knows, but if you're out at the Limelight or Katy Daly's and he's with the Razorlight Fan Club (his rock and roll friends) then he'd just blank you.
He comes strutting up to me and launches into a long and boring spiel about how some girl told him he looks like Johnny Borrell but he thinks it's only because they both have curly hair. I don't know who Johnny Borrell is but Rock and Roll Stephen explains that he is the leader of Razorlight. He says the word leader as if we're all marching with him.
I walk away while Rock and Roll Stephen is mid-sentence because he always does that to people and it's why a lot of people don't like him.
He's put me in a shit mood talking about Johnny Borrell: I don't like him because he went out with Hermione. Well not really Hermione, the actress Emma Watson who plays her in the films, but it's still closer than I'll ever get.
Fabian took Battle Cat out for a walk and I went to the Dunnes on the Ormeau Road to buy some food. I used to like shopping here because it was cheap but now I only go here because it's one of the few shops left that allows you to pay by cheque. The even better thing is that it isn't even my cheque book that I'm paying with. Fabian managed to lay his hands on one while he was on the rob. He says he got it out of a student house. Most of them only have cheques to pay their rent so hopefully they won't notice it's gone until January.
While I was at the shop I bumped into Rock and Roll Stephen. Rock and Roll Stephen is a mixed bag: He's one of those people who will be friendly with you when it's just you and him, or he's at some place and you're the only person he knows, but if you're out at the Limelight or Katy Daly's and he's with the Razorlight Fan Club (his rock and roll friends) then he'd just blank you.
He comes strutting up to me and launches into a long and boring spiel about how some girl told him he looks like Johnny Borrell but he thinks it's only because they both have curly hair. I don't know who Johnny Borrell is but Rock and Roll Stephen explains that he is the leader of Razorlight. He says the word leader as if we're all marching with him.
I walk away while Rock and Roll Stephen is mid-sentence because he always does that to people and it's why a lot of people don't like him.
He's put me in a shit mood talking about Johnny Borrell: I don't like him because he went out with Hermione. Well not really Hermione, the actress Emma Watson who plays her in the films, but it's still closer than I'll ever get.
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