We'd a nice mellow affair at Christmas. Fabian it turns out had bought a few things for me and Battle Cat, all he could afford, which was a tin of BO spray for me and a tin of Pedigree Chum for Battle Cat. It was a nice thought but he bought me Lynx, which now means I'll smell like a 15 year old boy who hasn't showered after PE.
We were settling in for a good game of Gin Rummy with Battle Cat lying sleeping when we heard a knock at our door. I answered it to find it was our other neighbour Mr Spoon. I don't know his real name but he looks like Mr Spoon, anyway he said he had a present for us. I hoped it'd be some of his homemade rhubarb wine but it was an old lp.
He said he saw I had a pet dog (the nosy fucker didn't mention Fabian Wildman) and he thought I was doing a really good thing by taking care of an animal because animals are weaker and look to humans for protection, so he wanted to give me this old lp to remind me that there was still a lot to do to help animals at this time of year.
Here's the track. It's an old christmas song by Adam Faith called Lonely Pup in a Christmas Shop.
I thanked him and didn't invite him in because we were getting ready to have a good smoke of crack. I let Fabian and Battle Cat hear it. They were really unimpressed, Battle Cat started barking loudly and angrily at the lp player. We turned it off before the end. I woke up later to find Battle Cat had shat on the cover. I threw both it and the lp in the bin.
