Today I woke up to find a hole in my shoe. I went down to Oxfam but I didn't have enough money for crack and shoes, so I stole some trainers. When I got them home I realised they were girls. My crack dealer laughed at me. If I had another dealer to go to I'd totally shop him to the peelers.

Fat Rab and the Death Owl were up in court today for sacrificing a goat. I went down to the courthouse to check it out. The judge sat and smirked as the peelers described the dead hacked up goat in Fat Rab's house. I sat and made wanker signs at The Death Owl throughout. He drew his finger across his throat to tell me I was "so dead". I'm so going to set fire to him sometime I'm high on crack because that way I'll get off with it in court.

I think the judge is a member of the Death Owl and Fat Rab's Occult Society because he threw the case out and set them free. I was so sure the wankers were going down for this. I was pissed off. I walked home and smoked some crack and sat staring at my girls' shoes near in tears then Hooka and Fat Rab started getting down to this song all fucking night.

It isn't fair.