I had gone and got my Big Violent Dog long before Fabian Wildman had even woken up. The thing is he's not a Big Violent Dog yet. I thought it'd be better to get him as a pup and make friends with him before he becomes Big and Violent. He's a mongral breed, looks a bit like a labrador pup but bigger, the guy who sold him didn't know what the breeds were but he thinks there's a bit of rotwiller in there.

I walked him back to the house on a lead I bought in the pet shop the other day. Buying lots of doggy stuff cost a fair bit and my hot shot banker brother helped pay for most of it. He says the responsibility of owning a dog will be good for me.

My biggest problem was the pup's name. I couldn't think of a name for him.
Fabian Wildman came out to see him in his oul scruffy dressing gown and slippers and not much else and the poor pup ran in behind me. So Fabian said we should call him Cringer, like in He-Man. Cringer doesn't sound like the sort of dog that would eat anyone, so I thought Battle Cat would be better. Fabian said you can't have a dog called Battle Cat but I said if you can have a man called Bear Grylis you can have a dog called Battle Cat.

I gave Fabian a lecture about not freaking him out with his knife and the golden rule: we never smoke crack round him.

I got Battle Cat some scran and put him in his kennel. I threw in one of those squeaky toy bones for him to play with and an oul rug that I never do anything with. I hope he's happy here.