In and Around Nordirland.

I'm hiding out in the countryside (in the North still) and the only way you'll find me is if you follow the trail of duderay stickers.

Hot Baby Roy and Hot Firey Love Lady are looking after Battle Cat.  Hot Firey Love Lady is really excited about it so much so that I'm really starting to come round to her. I think Hot Baby Roy has landed on his feet with her so lucky bastard.

Anyway me, my laptop and a big bottle of whiskey are deep in the Irish countryside.

Happy Twelfth for those who care, even happier one for those who don't.

The Pain of Being Lonely

Last night wandering the streets searching for fun, and no violent encounters, Hot Baby Roy and me were swigging from the old bottle of Bushmills. He was sheepishly talking himself into enjoying the night out and the whiskey helped.

"I suppose we're the last of the Irish Rovers?" he said, then it was my turn to stare embarrased at something else.

"No, the Irish Rover was a ship, not cool guys on the town."

"Fuck this, I'm just not cut out for Feniandom," he said half turning to go home.

"Come on Hot Baby Roy, we're going to get laid."

"Why tonight? Of all nights? Why will this night be any different from the rest of my life," he started screaming.

I didn't want to push it so I told him we could go home. He calmed down a bit by the time we reached our street, where we bumped into Rock and Roll Stephen and The Indie Kid, they told us that they were heading to a cool party with lots of Rock and Roll. Rock and Roll Stephen was all happy because he was saying that he was getting new teeth tomorrow. He had to wait because tonight they might get punched in because he was trying to steal another guy's girl.

Hot Baby Roy's ears pricked up at this and he asked Rock and Roll Stephen how to get a sweetheart for himself.

Rock and Roll Stephen laughed and said if you watch me you'll learn.

Hot Baby Roy started to cry. We made our excuses and went in the house. When Hot Baby Roy stopped crying he said that he's going to break Rock and Roll Stephen's new teeth when they're in for laughing at Hot Baby Roy's loveless, fuckless life.

I'll help.

I'm Sick in Bed

Both Hot Baby Roy and Wino Jo have been taking care of me now I'm ill. It's very nice because Hot Baby Roy brings me up soup and sits and tells me stories about the Leotard Girls or more about his blossoming relationship with The Raven Princess Spandex. He's getting his hopes up a bit because they haven't even kissed or been on a date yet. I asked him about if she mentioned me and he just stares awkwardly at the ground and changes the subject. He'll regret it if he doesn't help me, that's all I'll say for now.

Wino Jo brings me hot whiskeys and I worry that he maybe drinks some of the whiskey himself but I don't want to get into that conversation because he might stop bringing me them and they give me energy.

I half suspect that they're both waiting on me to fall asleep so they can use my laptop but if I catch them at it I'll break their bones (when I'm better).

I might put on a leotard for comfort, just under my pyjamas. No one will see.

A Visit From The Raven Princess Spandex

It seems that talking Battle Cat for a walk on a pish freezing cold night and doing some good deeds along the way have made me sick. I'm lying in bed supping hot whiskey and milky broth.

The Raven Princess spandex was round and even though she wasn't here to see me it made me feel good having a sexy woman in the house while I was sick. Actually, I was a bit annoyed, why didn't she even stick her head upstairs and say hello, or aw sorry you're poorly? Why?

It's not really fair. If I'd have been at that party I'd have kung-fu flipped all the baddies out the window but all Hot Baby Roy has to do is get bitch slapped and he's someone girls sit round thinking about while listening to Mariah Carey. This isn't fair.

She was laughing and giggling away with him downstairs, and then he went up into his room and had a wank. I could hear it jingling.

I'm going to sleep for a bit.

Things better start looking up soon.