My Protege has Gone Astray

Hot Baby Roy and Wino Jo are huffing with each other over who's doing which part of the Anfield Rap, so I took myself to fuck out the house and went down with Battle Cat to see Nanny Boo Boo.

She brought out a big plate of buns for us and me and Battle Cat wolfed down the lot over a cup of tea.

She says that Fabian Wildman called in to see her the other week and he was asking after me, I didn't ask her too much about it and she didn't go on with it.

She says that My Protege has turned into a right stupid wee bastard, all out trying to act the cool hard man, and his wee gang try to get him to due stupid stuff and he's stupid enough not to even question it.

He's been running round baring his arse at cars, shoplifting flowers and stealing wine and cider from tramps.

I told her that I'd do something about it, but I'm not sure what. I don't want to just give him a good kicking. He needs to be taught a lesson.

Lessons of Life No 2

Nanny Boo Boo gets back today so I went down yesterday with Battle Cat to make sure the place is nice and tidy and none of the flowers were dead (they weren't - I did a good job).

So I was well chuffed with myself and went on down the Lagan Meadows with Battle Cat. It was chilly and we hadn't got enough clothes on us (or I didn't, he walks around naked).

We were walking back up to Stranmillis when I found my protege writing "Fuck the police" on a bench.

I asked him was he ready for his second lesson.

He said yes.

I asked him if he'd learned the first.

He said the first was not to trust people.

I said no. The first lesson was that people won't do something for nothing. I'm teaching him about the lessons of life so I want paid for this.

I then asked him was he ready for lesson two.

He said yes again.

I told him if he finds two quid spend one on flowers and the other on food.

He looked confused. I was a bit too, it was something I read online a few days ago I don't really know what it means.

Fabian's Lessons In Love

Today Fabian Wildman slithered down the stairs in his zentai (he says the tightness is comforting) asking for some honey.

I told him I'd have to go back to the shop and steal it but that if I did I wanted him to fix it for me to hump and pump the Unicorn Girl. He told me that I didn't need to use that sort of language because he knows I don't mean it or only half mean it.

I asked him what's the secret of getting girls to like you. He told me that it's not about hearts and flowers and all that bumfluff, it's about sexiness and the way he does it is sometimes he rubs spunk in his hair because the smell gets Betty Blue all excited though not too often or she'd just think he wanked and didn't wash, he says that having a big wang helps.

Then after contemplation he said that she just likes him for who he is. It sounded kind of sweet, until he said that he wasn't changing for no chicka. Which I know is pure balls because half of why him and Betty Blue are together is because she lets him eat boiled eggs out her fanny and he let's her do fuck knows what to him (I don't know but I've heard the screams).