The Punchbowl Girl was working yesterday so I was all on my lonesome. I went for a walk but it was pissing down so I stopped in at The Empire for a beer. I was just sitting supping away and flicking through The Suicide Diaries for something to laugh at/read to my girlfriend.
When Clarence Pishflap wandered over with his Taboo and lemonade.
"So Tuesday Kid, I hear you've finally got your hole."
"How dare you speak about my lady like that?" I asked.
"How dare I? How dare I? Listen I'm going to fuck things up for you with her. Just like you fucked things up for me with The Unicorn Girl, you and that ginger halfwit dicking around talking shit and acting up so I could never make my move and now we're in the fucking "friends zone"."
"Hot Baby Roy has a girlfriend too now."
"Don't think I don't know it. I'll fuck it up for the pair of you. I'll tell those dolls all about your crack addiction, and your cross dressing and your rotten pish drinking ways."
"I never drank any pish, and as for The Unicorn Girl, that was your move to make. If you wanted to fanny around like a sappy bastard and fucked it up for yourself that's your own fault. She's a nice girl, you should take being friends."
"You rotten bastard..."
I didn't let him finish. I threw the arse end of my beer at his crotch soaking it. Now he had to leave or face everyone thinking he'd pished himself in the midst of all his excited ranting.
I bought another drink and finished it in peace.
