I Only Want To Party With My Baby

It was Betty Blue's leaving do last night. Me and The Punchbowl Girl showed up nice and early because we weren't going to stay long. The Unicorn Girl and Clarence were there and for once Clarence wasn't being the biggest pishflap there. He actually made himself scarce after he saw me because he knows I'm going to boot him a new arsehole for what he did to Hot Baby Roy.

The Unicorn Girl was making catty shitty remarks to and about The Punchbowl Girl, nothing overt, really dickish shit about her getting fired, said in that kind of I'm nice and friendly but saying shit.

Betty Blue and Kissy Boy took off upstairs to fuck early on in the night so me and The Punchbowl Girl fucked off with our beer and a few bottles of wine that belonged to someone we don't know or care about.

We fucked off home where it we had a better party on our own.

Since the last post it hasn't all been a blur of hot spandex (though that has featured). In other news:

Pearl Jam 10 is the best grunge album (I've learned this after an intensive week of grunge).

There should be a second series of This Is England 86 (there fucking better be).

Will the road works outside Primark ever be complete?

A man can find some great clothes in a charity shop but he needs a woman with him.

Ed Balls has a defective nose.

This website makes me laugh lots and lots.

Lads Night In

I yesterday when I came home I slept for a bit then I heard Hot Baby Roy in walking about the house. I went down to say hello.

"Where's Hot Firey Love Lady?" I asked him.
"She has some work stuff to catch up on," he said. "Can I borrow your laptop? I need to find a job quick."
"Has Hot Firey Love Lady seen through her modern woman delusions?"
"No, she'll pay for anything Hot Baby Roy wants."

I hate that he spoke about himself in the third person.

"But I feel cheap when she pays for everything."

It was then I noticed her was wearing brand new trendy clothes, and not just some ill-fitting charity shop stuff like me.

So far he's been juggling meal deals in places just so he can say he pays sometimes. His favourite is China China near Queens and he tried to get him and her out of there before five (because at five the price of the all you can eat buffet lunch goes up from 5 to 7 pounds).

I'm happy for Hot Baby Roy and I think Hot Firey Love Lady is having a good effect on him, or at least I did until he suggested a lads night in "like old times" and pulled out a DVD of Whip It (the directorial debut of Drew Barrymore, which features jail-bait looking Ellen Page - she's 23 but so what?)

I asked him what did Hot Firey Love Lady think of this. He said it's her DVD. This just isn't fair.

Like that old sweaty heavy metal rock and roller Rod Stewart said: "Some guys have all the luck".

Spring is Here, Winter can Party Down and Go Fuck Itself (see what I did there?)

Even though it was raining when I went out earlier there's something definitely Spring about Belfast. It's just moving into a milder time of year. The breeze isn't nippy, it's melancholy. And people don't have big miserable twisted faces on them anymore when they have to go outside.

With that in mind, this is the song that's making me feel like the winter's over. I heard it an ad the other day, so I'm glad to have tracked it down:



I also had a letter in yesterday saying I'd an interview for a shop this week. Cross your fingers for me, but have a dance first.

Unicorns Aren't Extinct Yet

I went down the Lagan Meadows last night with a bottle of pink champaigne. The optimism of Spring didn't last it seems.

There were some people sitting at the mouth of the meadows all having a laugh. I was feeling jealous until I heard my name shouted.

I went over and it was Rock and Roll Stephen, The Indie Kid, Clarence Pishflap and The Unicorn Girl.

The Indie Kid was saying that he was trying to get Rock and Roll Stephen back into singing because he'd written more songs about The Smoker and they needed to be sung.

"About that," I said to The Indie Kid. "I don't like you writing songs about me."

"They're not about you," he said. "They're about Fabian Wildman."

"How the fuck are they about Fabian Wildman?" I said.

He didn't get a chance to reply because The Unicorn Girl sat bolt upright and started offloading about what a bastard Fabian Wildman had been when he was living with her and her mates. He started smoking crack and tried it on with loads of girls behind Betty Blue and broke poor Betty Blue's heart, and that I was a bastard by proxy.

I told her that I hadn't seen Fabian Wildman in months and that I liked Betty Blue and I felt bad about what he did, and for some reason I found myself half defending him. I told her that he goes through phases where he fucks everything up but that he helped me give up crack and I'll always thank him for it.

She kept on saying he was a bastard and I told her that Betty Blue used to take me clothes shopping in the second hands and that I hoped she was doing okay even though Fabian Wildman had been a fucker to her.

Clarence Pishflap who'd been strangely silent up til that point said that I was upsetting The Unicorn Girl and that him and her were going to go.

The Unicorn Girl said she was sitting where she was.

Rock and Roll Stephen broke the tension by asking me if I knew anything about how to get false teeth. The Unicorn Girl didn't speak to me for the rest of the evening but it's progress of sorts.

New Job on the Horizon

Despite the credit crunch I've managed to line myself up with a job interview for later in the week. It's with a swanky hotel in Belfast (though I'm not going to tell you which one in case someone who works there might read this). The only problem is that I don't have any nice clothes to wear to the interview.

Clothes have been a big problem for me for a while now and to be honest with you anything I would like to wear is too dear. Fabian Wildman suggested charity shops but I told him I wouldn't feel right shoplifting out of a charity shop. He told me I could apply for some grant through the dole to get clothes for an interview so off I raced back down to the dole only to be told that there was a grant but it took weeks to get sorted, anyway fuck that. They said I could have a crisis loan, even though I was saving those up for some day when I really needed a good smoke of crack but now I don't do crack I got £35 and hit the charity shops. There was fuck all I liked. It would all have left me looking like a tramp at a 70s wedding. I went home in tears knowing I'd never get the job but Betty Blue was there and told me she gets all her best clothes out of charity shops and she'd come with me and get me nice clothes.

Off we went and after a few hours in Botanic I came away with a snazzy suit and some nice shirts and even a tie. The only thing I've left is the shoes which I know where I can knick them from.

I had a few bob left over so we went for a coffee in Clements. Betty Blue says she hates Starbucks even though the one in Botanic is nice. It was nice hanging out with her because the only time I see her is with Fabian Wildman and we've never really chatted much. Turns out Betty Blue is an art student at UU on York St. I said it all sounded cool even though I don't really get all the dead sharks and that stuff. She said that she hopes her and Fabian Wildman will get married one day but not until she finishes her degree. I know for a fact that Fabian Wildman doesn't believe in marriage and even though he doesn't understand it he likes to think he's a communist.

He says he'd sooner lick the bowl than get married. I'd do both if I'd a girlfriend and was serious about her because I love to lick the bowl.