Another Shite Day at the Dole

It's been a weird few days. It's been great sunny weather and I've been miserable as fuck. I ran out of money and had to go down the dole for a crisis loan. Nasty fuckers, say that they can't give you one unless it's an emergency so I told them that a water pipe had burst and spoiled all my food.

They asked for my landlord's number but I told them that I didn't have it on me and couldn't go home to get it. They eyed me up all suspicious. It was this fat wanker who wore a polo shirt and looked like he'd never played polo, or any sport other than "find the bags of crisps" which he's very good at, the fat crisp eating bastard.

Anyway he told me I had to wait an hour on the loan to be decided and I sat there feeling bored and pissed off. There weren't even any newspapers to read.

I looked on the job search machines and there was fuck all going. Most of the work on offer is part-time which is pish because you have to work sixteen hours a week and you come off worse than dole and housing benefit combined.

The place was bunged, loads of fuckers in looking crisis loans because unemployment and the price of stuff has went up so you have to sit there like a glum fucker and wait for your cash. Some of them had kids with them who crawled around goo-gooing a load of spidey shite.

I got a text from Fabian Wildman, the first since he's moved out, I took my phone out to read it when this wee bitch of a security guard came right over and got up in my face saying: "you can't text in here, you can't text in here."

"I'm not texting. I'm reading a text," I said.

"Same thing, same thing. You can't use phones at all."

Then I had to go outside to read it.

It was just Fabian saying that he'd left some socks and would I be in this evening for him to come and get them.

I didn't reply.

I didn't get my crisis loan either, so I just went to Tescos on the rob.

New Job on the Horizon

Despite the credit crunch I've managed to line myself up with a job interview for later in the week. It's with a swanky hotel in Belfast (though I'm not going to tell you which one in case someone who works there might read this). The only problem is that I don't have any nice clothes to wear to the interview.

Clothes have been a big problem for me for a while now and to be honest with you anything I would like to wear is too dear. Fabian Wildman suggested charity shops but I told him I wouldn't feel right shoplifting out of a charity shop. He told me I could apply for some grant through the dole to get clothes for an interview so off I raced back down to the dole only to be told that there was a grant but it took weeks to get sorted, anyway fuck that. They said I could have a crisis loan, even though I was saving those up for some day when I really needed a good smoke of crack but now I don't do crack I got £35 and hit the charity shops. There was fuck all I liked. It would all have left me looking like a tramp at a 70s wedding. I went home in tears knowing I'd never get the job but Betty Blue was there and told me she gets all her best clothes out of charity shops and she'd come with me and get me nice clothes.

Off we went and after a few hours in Botanic I came away with a snazzy suit and some nice shirts and even a tie. The only thing I've left is the shoes which I know where I can knick them from.

I had a few bob left over so we went for a coffee in Clements. Betty Blue says she hates Starbucks even though the one in Botanic is nice. It was nice hanging out with her because the only time I see her is with Fabian Wildman and we've never really chatted much. Turns out Betty Blue is an art student at UU on York St. I said it all sounded cool even though I don't really get all the dead sharks and that stuff. She said that she hopes her and Fabian Wildman will get married one day but not until she finishes her degree. I know for a fact that Fabian Wildman doesn't believe in marriage and even though he doesn't understand it he likes to think he's a communist.

He says he'd sooner lick the bowl than get married. I'd do both if I'd a girlfriend and was serious about her because I love to lick the bowl.