I yesterday when I came home I slept for a bit then I heard Hot Baby Roy in walking about the house. I went down to say hello.
"Where's Hot Firey Love Lady?" I asked him.
"She has some work stuff to catch up on," he said. "Can I borrow your laptop? I need to find a job quick."
"Has Hot Firey Love Lady seen through her modern woman delusions?"
"No, she'll pay for anything Hot Baby Roy wants."
I hate that he spoke about himself in the third person.
"But I feel cheap when she pays for everything."
It was then I noticed her was wearing brand new trendy clothes, and not just some ill-fitting charity shop stuff like me.
So far he's been juggling meal deals in places just so he can say he pays sometimes. His favourite is China China near Queens and he tried to get him and her out of there before five (because at five the price of the all you can eat buffet lunch goes up from 5 to 7 pounds).
I'm happy for Hot Baby Roy and I think Hot Firey Love Lady is having a good effect on him, or at least I did until he suggested a lads night in "like old times" and pulled out a DVD of Whip It (the directorial debut of Drew Barrymore, which features jail-bait looking Ellen Page - she's 23 but so what?)
I asked him what did Hot Firey Love Lady think of this. He said it's her DVD. This just isn't fair.
Like that old sweaty heavy metal rock and roller Rod Stewart said: "Some guys have all the luck".
