Last night I was waiting on a bus on the Lisburn Road when I saw the funniest thing. This indie kid (not the one from my street) was standing at a bus stop with his his girlfriend when this spide comes along and starts slagging him off for his tight jeans and non-ironic moustache.
The wee indie kid took it for about a minute, then he looked at his girlfriend, then at me, and then he said to the spide to leave him alone.
"What the fuck like?" the spide said. "I'm just being some crack, no need to be a wee fruity boy about it."
"I'm not being anything," the indie kid says. "I'm just wanting to catch my bus."
"Wind yer neck in ballbag," the spide says slapping him around the head.
"YOU DON'T SLAP ME IN THE FUCKING HEAD," the indie kid shouted at him getting all up in the spide's face.
"Are you fucking starting?" the spide says getting his pigeon chest going.
"YOU WERE STARTING FIVE FUCKING MINUTES AGO," The wee indie kid shouts as he rattles him in the side of the face and starts knocking fuck out of him. "THIS ISN'T A GAME OF YOU MAKE A DICK OUT OF ME AND FUCK OFF SNIGGERING."
The indie kid's girlfriend started to cry. I didn't know if she was crying because of fear or because she didn't agree with violence but I wanted to tell her that he was in the right and the spide was the one who was bad.
Showing posts with label tight jeans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tight jeans. Show all posts
Monday, 19 April 2010
Friday, 16 October 2009
Pete Doherty Plays Belfast!!
The Indie Kid across the street threw a party last night. A kind of 'let's get the parties started' thing but later he told me (when totally pished and close to tears) that it had all been about getting some of the fine pussy across the street. She didn't show up but there was a motley cast of indie rock and rollers from around Belfast.
Rock and Roll Stephen was there, meaning business, wearing the tightest pair of women's jeans and the tightest perm and his mothers handbag. He'd a wee silver case full of rollies.
I told him he looked like he meant business and he said: "From now on things are going to be full on, with relationships and studying."
I winced and told him that I once met Johnny Borrell in Donaghadee (a lie but the Indie Kid will back me up because he thinks it's true).
For some reason Sexy Carlos was there and he was walking around bare chested with the words "Who do I trust? I trust me!" scrawled across his chest in red lipstick. A thing Rock and Roll Stephen told me he'd stolen from the Manic Street Preachers, I thought it was Scarface.
I got talking to this girl at the punch bowl who told me that she was going to comit suicide when she turned twenty one. I asked her what age she was and she said nineteen. I told her that she should extend it to twenty five because after school and uni there's a lot of fun to be had lying around on the dole playing computer games and smoking crack (if that's your thing, it's not mine any more).
She told me that what I'd just said was profound. I smiled like a dog who's just realised it can lick it's own balls. I pretty much talked to her the rest of the night giving out half-wisdoms which she pretty much lapped up like a cat who'd been left out a bowl of milk by people who aren't it's owners.
Rock and Roll Stephen nearly spoiled it by bringing out a guitar and shouting:
"Who says Pete Doherty can't come to Belfast. Rock and Roll Stephen brings Pete Doherty right here!"
Then he started playing some Pete Doherty but no one really listened. I was glad when he fucked off home in tears.
Rock and Roll Stephen was there, meaning business, wearing the tightest pair of women's jeans and the tightest perm and his mothers handbag. He'd a wee silver case full of rollies.
I told him he looked like he meant business and he said: "From now on things are going to be full on, with relationships and studying."
I winced and told him that I once met Johnny Borrell in Donaghadee (a lie but the Indie Kid will back me up because he thinks it's true).
For some reason Sexy Carlos was there and he was walking around bare chested with the words "Who do I trust? I trust me!" scrawled across his chest in red lipstick. A thing Rock and Roll Stephen told me he'd stolen from the Manic Street Preachers, I thought it was Scarface.
I got talking to this girl at the punch bowl who told me that she was going to comit suicide when she turned twenty one. I asked her what age she was and she said nineteen. I told her that she should extend it to twenty five because after school and uni there's a lot of fun to be had lying around on the dole playing computer games and smoking crack (if that's your thing, it's not mine any more).
She told me that what I'd just said was profound. I smiled like a dog who's just realised it can lick it's own balls. I pretty much talked to her the rest of the night giving out half-wisdoms which she pretty much lapped up like a cat who'd been left out a bowl of milk by people who aren't it's owners.
Rock and Roll Stephen nearly spoiled it by bringing out a guitar and shouting:
"Who says Pete Doherty can't come to Belfast. Rock and Roll Stephen brings Pete Doherty right here!"
Then he started playing some Pete Doherty but no one really listened. I was glad when he fucked off home in tears.
Thursday, 27 August 2009
The Leader of The Razorlight Fan Club Falls
The Banshee moved in next door today with Derek Baby so Fabian Wildman's pissed off about not being able to move there. He'd been brushing up on his sweaty metal moves and he was looking forward to comparing spandex with Derek Baby and now it's all gone to shit.
He was fumming about the house so I decided to get out and clear my head. I ran into Rock and Roll Stephen who was in a wile state. He said that his girlfriend had left him for some other dickhead who had skinnier jeans and looked more like Johnny Borrell.
"It's not a mark of a man who has the tightest jeans, she must be immature," I offered by way of consolation.
"Nobody's jeans are tighter than mine," he screamed. "I sit in the bath for hours to get them this tight, I'm going to get pains when I'm old."
He started blubbing and saying that he hated wearing tight jeans, he has all these infected ingrowing hairs on his legs and he can't walk properly anymore.
I offered to take him for a beer to cheer him up but he winced and looked even more panicked.
"I can't be seen with you," he screamed. "You're not cool, I need to be seen with someone who's cool to get her back."
I told him it wasn't going to happen. He was now on a long slow slide into uncoolness. The fact that he was using the word cool showed this. He'd be saying "groovy" next and meaning it, and wearing clothes for their comfort.
He fell on his knees and begged me to tell him this wasn't true but I said what he was doing only further showed this was the case.
"You know I used to hang about with you for cool points," I lied to him. "But not now, not now."
I walked away shaking my head while he lay on the street crying his wee indie heart out.
He was fumming about the house so I decided to get out and clear my head. I ran into Rock and Roll Stephen who was in a wile state. He said that his girlfriend had left him for some other dickhead who had skinnier jeans and looked more like Johnny Borrell.
"It's not a mark of a man who has the tightest jeans, she must be immature," I offered by way of consolation.
"Nobody's jeans are tighter than mine," he screamed. "I sit in the bath for hours to get them this tight, I'm going to get pains when I'm old."
He started blubbing and saying that he hated wearing tight jeans, he has all these infected ingrowing hairs on his legs and he can't walk properly anymore.
I offered to take him for a beer to cheer him up but he winced and looked even more panicked.
"I can't be seen with you," he screamed. "You're not cool, I need to be seen with someone who's cool to get her back."
I told him it wasn't going to happen. He was now on a long slow slide into uncoolness. The fact that he was using the word cool showed this. He'd be saying "groovy" next and meaning it, and wearing clothes for their comfort.
He fell on his knees and begged me to tell him this wasn't true but I said what he was doing only further showed this was the case.
"You know I used to hang about with you for cool points," I lied to him. "But not now, not now."
I walked away shaking my head while he lay on the street crying his wee indie heart out.
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