Lonely Lagan Meadows

I managed to get enough from my robbing for some sweet bottles of pink champaigne yesterday. I said to Hot Baby Roy that me and him should go and see if we could bump into the Unicorn Girl and he said that he didn't want to sit and talk to Clarence anymore because Clarence always tried to make fun of him to impress girls.

I told him that I could beat Clarence up and that he always cowered in fear whenever I was close.

Hot Baby Roy said that this was balls because he wanted to be his own man, not just looking to me everytime Clarence mentioned Fanta pubes.

I told him to please himself, so he stayed in with the weights set while I walked around being a fey drunk. I sat for hours down by the Lagan thinking about romantic or heroic things I could say to The Unicorn Girl when she came near but I was there on my own all that time. I walked a bit farther into the Lagan Meadows hoping to find her but all I find was that some bastard had written Tuesday Kid is a Bastard on a bench with a pen knife. I was touched to find that some one else (probably a street wise kid) had scratched it through and written Tuesday Kid will win before you beneath it. My money is on the street kid. I'm glad he wasn't there to see my tears or my pride.

My Protege Teaches Me

I took the Death Owl's money and went and bought a bottle of wine and sat down at the Lagan Lookout at Stranmillis.

I couldn't believe I was here on my own, with no job and pish all money. How the fuck had this happened?

How had I not found a job? or why wasn't I living somewhere nice? Or had a girlfriend? Cunts like the Death Owl seemed to be winning why I was a busted loser.

My protege came and found me. He told me he wanted a new lesson.

I asked him what could I teach him? In truth I'm a terrible teacher, and that's usually okay for my terrible students (he's not the first I've given knowledge to) but it wasn't okay for him.

He told me he thought I was badass and that he could learn how to be cool from my coolness and he knows that I've made mistakes and that's cool because he wants to learn from them too.

"Okay," I said. "Here's your last lesson: do as I say, not as I do," then I boked all over myself and burst into tears.

He gave me a hug and told me I was a great role model because I taught him that it was okay to cry if you were a badass.

A big snotter came out my nose. He didn't mention that.