I had to go and get a key cut on my lunch break today because Hot Baby Roy said he never had one last time he stayed. He said that Fabian Wildman must have kept his after he moved out. I didn't like the idea of him running about with a key because if he goes back onto crack he'll come round on the rob.
My boss was nice to me today, not especially just really cheery, which if my memory serves me (and with all the crack I've smoked sometimes it doesn't) means I'm about to get the boot. I made note of two wanky customers credit card details today, no sense ripping off nice people.
On the way home I thought up a song about needing money and asking people to spare change. I wrote it down but I saw a tramp in the rain with not much in his cup so I gave it to him. Should have kept it, might need it in a few weeks.
Showing posts with label song. Show all posts
Showing posts with label song. Show all posts
Wednesday, 2 December 2009
Saturday, 15 August 2009
Sweaty Metal Rock and Roll Night
We were woke up last night by screaming and howling about murder and human blood, at first I thought it was a late sweaty metal jam but after I heard someone shout "I was in love with her," I realised that this was surely no sweaty metal song.
I ran next door with Fabian Wildman not far behind me. Half the lights were on in the street. The banshee was howling (she really is very good) and the sweaty metallers were shouting their heads off.
I started thumping on the door, shouting for them to calm down, when one of them stormed outside.
"Tuesday Kid, let's you and me start a band," he said. "We don't need these dicks."
"You're just jealous because the banshee loves me," the other one shouted.
"How? How can she love you more? I was always the most metal out of us," shouted the first one.
"No, it was me," shouted the other one.
"Let's ask Tuesday Kid," they said turning to me.
"To be honest lads, I always had trouble telling yous apart," I shrugged.
"How could you confuse me with this dick," said the first one.
I was saved by the Banshee coming out and asking Derek Baby to come back inside. The second one went back in with her.
The first one stood there shaking with anger.
"Derek Baby?" I said, "what's your name?"
He glared at me and stormed off down the street, tears streaming down his face.
I ran next door with Fabian Wildman not far behind me. Half the lights were on in the street. The banshee was howling (she really is very good) and the sweaty metallers were shouting their heads off.
I started thumping on the door, shouting for them to calm down, when one of them stormed outside.
"Tuesday Kid, let's you and me start a band," he said. "We don't need these dicks."
"You're just jealous because the banshee loves me," the other one shouted.
"How? How can she love you more? I was always the most metal out of us," shouted the first one.
"No, it was me," shouted the other one.
"Let's ask Tuesday Kid," they said turning to me.
"To be honest lads, I always had trouble telling yous apart," I shrugged.
"How could you confuse me with this dick," said the first one.
I was saved by the Banshee coming out and asking Derek Baby to come back inside. The second one went back in with her.
The first one stood there shaking with anger.
"Derek Baby?" I said, "what's your name?"
He glared at me and stormed off down the street, tears streaming down his face.
Friday, 10 July 2009
The Hermione Granger Fan Club
Hot Baby Roy might read my blogs because after me slagging him off a bit recently he showed up at the house today saying that he'd a present for me.
I was a bit dubious but he went into his coat pocket and pulled out a folded up bit of paper to reveal a picture of the lovely Emma Watson who plays the gorgeous Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies.
He said he was a big fan of hers but he knew I was too so he thought he'd bring me a gift.
I was very happy.
I invited him in for a cup of tea and a chat about Hermione.
It soon turned out that Hot Baby Roy was more into Emma Watson and I was more into Hermione. I told him my love for Hermione was pure, while he said he'd love to have sex with Emma Watson under a waterfall.
I didn't fancy his chances but I told him that was a nice thing to think about.
He said that if Razorlight could do it, so could he, because Razorlight was an ugly bastard and Hot Baby Roy had moves.
He has a point there but I'm not so sure her and Razorlight did the deed. I suspect if they did that Razorlight would boast about it in a song.
He said that when he came off crack he'd written her a letter, not about sex but about the other emotions he felt for her. She never replied. He included a picture in it too. That might be the reason why.
He said he was doing his Care Bear Stare in the photo and that if he ever met her he'd do it and he'd be sure to win her heart. He did it for me and I told him he'd have more luck if he just bundled her into the back of a van.
He asked what me and Fabian Wildman were doing for the twelfth. I told him I didn't know about Fabian Wildman but I liked to sleep all day and wank a bit. I waved the Hermione picture at him to show I appreciated the effort because he looked a bit sad that we weren't doing anything.
Perhaps Hot Baby Roy is lonely like I used to be.
I was a bit dubious but he went into his coat pocket and pulled out a folded up bit of paper to reveal a picture of the lovely Emma Watson who plays the gorgeous Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies.
He said he was a big fan of hers but he knew I was too so he thought he'd bring me a gift.
I was very happy.
I invited him in for a cup of tea and a chat about Hermione.
It soon turned out that Hot Baby Roy was more into Emma Watson and I was more into Hermione. I told him my love for Hermione was pure, while he said he'd love to have sex with Emma Watson under a waterfall.
I didn't fancy his chances but I told him that was a nice thing to think about.
He said that if Razorlight could do it, so could he, because Razorlight was an ugly bastard and Hot Baby Roy had moves.
He has a point there but I'm not so sure her and Razorlight did the deed. I suspect if they did that Razorlight would boast about it in a song.
He said that when he came off crack he'd written her a letter, not about sex but about the other emotions he felt for her. She never replied. He included a picture in it too. That might be the reason why.
He said he was doing his Care Bear Stare in the photo and that if he ever met her he'd do it and he'd be sure to win her heart. He did it for me and I told him he'd have more luck if he just bundled her into the back of a van.
He asked what me and Fabian Wildman were doing for the twelfth. I told him I didn't know about Fabian Wildman but I liked to sleep all day and wank a bit. I waved the Hermione picture at him to show I appreciated the effort because he looked a bit sad that we weren't doing anything.
Perhaps Hot Baby Roy is lonely like I used to be.
Saturday, 14 February 2009
OG Loc of the Holylands
When Fabian got back yesterday I didn't have the heart to give him the summons. he was taking Betty Blue off for a romantic weekend. I don't know how he was able to afford it but he said that since he's quit crack and not stopped stealing he's got a nice wee packet tucked away.
Once he left I locked Battle Cat in the kitchen and went round to The Death Owl's with a bottle of vodka. I sat outside on the doorstep for hours and drank the bottle. I was going to smash the bottle over his face. One of his neighbours came out and asked me what I wanted. I told him I was going to kick fuck out of The Death Owl when he came home.
He told me I shouldn't mess with The Death Owl because he was a wierdo satanist and at night he could be heard cackling and going over a load of mumbo jumbo.
I told him I was friends with Fabian Wildman who used to live there. He said Fabian was a no good druggy bastard. I told him Fabian was off the crack now and that he wants to get a job.
He said he hadn't a job either but that he had bought decks and he wanted to get lethal on them so he could play at a rave club. He asked me if I wanted to hear him. He took me in and played a mix of beats. I thought he was bollocks. He started doing all this freestyle rap which was arse bisuits.
It was all:
"yo fly homies, I'm so lonely
got me a gun, gonna shoot yer mum,
my shit ain't wack even though I'm not black,
what yo ass think of that?"
I told him he should hire someone else to do the rap but the beats were good.
Then he started into another freestyle just to show I was wrong:
"One day I'll be on top-o-tha-pops
living my dreams cause they don't stop
you'll be smokin crack wit yo druggy mate
and whinnin about how yo life ain't great.
Are you digging my fly rhymes homie?"
I told him he was the greatest rapper I'd ever heard. He told me he couldn't wait for the next election because he voted DUP and was going to do a song to help Sammy Wilson get re-elected. I eyed him suspiciously because if he likes that daemon then he may be in league with The Death Owl. I make my goodbyes and thanked him for his knowledge (see raps) and left. Then I went to the shop and got a permanent marker and wrote OG Loc on his front door. Then I put the empty vodka bottle through The Death Owl's front window and legged it up the fucking road.
Once he left I locked Battle Cat in the kitchen and went round to The Death Owl's with a bottle of vodka. I sat outside on the doorstep for hours and drank the bottle. I was going to smash the bottle over his face. One of his neighbours came out and asked me what I wanted. I told him I was going to kick fuck out of The Death Owl when he came home.
He told me I shouldn't mess with The Death Owl because he was a wierdo satanist and at night he could be heard cackling and going over a load of mumbo jumbo.
I told him I was friends with Fabian Wildman who used to live there. He said Fabian was a no good druggy bastard. I told him Fabian was off the crack now and that he wants to get a job.
He said he hadn't a job either but that he had bought decks and he wanted to get lethal on them so he could play at a rave club. He asked me if I wanted to hear him. He took me in and played a mix of beats. I thought he was bollocks. He started doing all this freestyle rap which was arse bisuits.
It was all:
"yo fly homies, I'm so lonely
got me a gun, gonna shoot yer mum,
my shit ain't wack even though I'm not black,
what yo ass think of that?"
I told him he should hire someone else to do the rap but the beats were good.
Then he started into another freestyle just to show I was wrong:
"One day I'll be on top-o-tha-pops
living my dreams cause they don't stop
you'll be smokin crack wit yo druggy mate
and whinnin about how yo life ain't great.
Are you digging my fly rhymes homie?"
I told him he was the greatest rapper I'd ever heard. He told me he couldn't wait for the next election because he voted DUP and was going to do a song to help Sammy Wilson get re-elected. I eyed him suspiciously because if he likes that daemon then he may be in league with The Death Owl. I make my goodbyes and thanked him for his knowledge (see raps) and left. Then I went to the shop and got a permanent marker and wrote OG Loc on his front door. Then I put the empty vodka bottle through The Death Owl's front window and legged it up the fucking road.
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