We have new neighbours. I heard them moving in yesterday. Two big sweaty metallers. When I saw them move in I was so shocked I just blurted out:
"Hello Sweaty Metallers, do yous worship the devil?"
"Get fucked you spidey ballbag," one of them said flipping me da bird.
Then I explained that I wasn't judging him it was just that the peeps who used to live there were satanists.
"Do you want your shit kicked in?" he asked, thinking I was just taking the piss more.
It wouldn't have been right to slap them around the place, because I'm sure they get people saying this shit to them all the time. I went inside. I figured I'd go round another time and introduce myself properly.
Fabian came home today in tears. When I asked him what was wrong he said that he'd caught a wee kid shop lifting and called the cops, when the cops came it was the same ones that busted him last year. The cop didn't recognise him but Fabian realised there and then what a scumbag he was.
"So you're not going to catch shoplifters anymore?" I asked.
"No!" he spat. "I'm a scumbag for thieving. Those poor shops of Belfast."
One of the chairs in our kitchen has a wonky leg. If he'd been sitting on it I'd have kicked it out from under him. But as it was he was on a sturdy seat.
