Fine Wine in the Summertime

With the lovely sun out yesterday me and Battle Cat went for a nice big walk down the Lagan Meadows and called into Nanny Boo Boos on the way back, Nanny Boo Boo was sitting pished off her face in the back garden.

She told me that My Protege has turned into a responsible young man and has been doing nice chores for her like keeping the garden tidy and trimmed and she buys his drink for him at the Winemark.

She also said that Fabian Wildman had been calling round and that he was saying he felt bad about acting the dick when he moved out. She said that she thinks Fabian is smoking the bad stuff again and she doesn't mean tea. She said that he's all bug eyed and has holes in his shoes and that only the other week he was telling her that he'd been dancing on the street hoping to get money but that he only managed 50p and that wasn't enough, and then he stopped before he said too much.

I told her that I thought Fabian was cyclicle with his addictions and that I'm sure he'll stop the crack soon enough.

She said that we were always good mates and that I should forgive and forget. I'm not convinced. The only thing he's gotten in touch about is collecting some socks.

I told her he has my number and that he knows where I live if he wants to get in touch and she said that she thinks he's too proud. I told her people with holes in their shoes don't have room for pride.

She stopped talking about it then because neither of us want to have an arguement, she brought out a big bottle of red wine and I got pished and boked all the way home, nearly a good day.

A wee boke not far from Nanny Boo Boo's.

Nanny Boo Boo says Fuck the Police

I took Battle Cat down today to see Nanny Boo Boo, she was very happy to see us and said she thought we'd have been down before this.

She had lots of sausages for Battle Cat and gave him a big bowl of them with some mouldy potatoes. He was very happy to see her and ran around the garden shouting Woof! all over the show. I noticed that her garden needed weeded, so I did that for her. I know that I don't know her very well but I started to tell her all about Fabian Wildman having to move. She said that the cops were rotten bastards and she got burgled last year and the cops showed up and asked her if maybe she'd just forgot to close her door. She said,

"Yes and I forgot that I gave away my TV too."

She said she feels sorry for me and Fabian Wildman but if he moved in next door they probably would never find him.

She's Leaving Home

So yeah I woke up yesterday to see big removal vans outside Hooka and Fat Rab's house. So I went out because if they're moving I wanted to say goodbye to Hooka (and act menacing towards Fat Rab) but they had left yesterday and the removal van was just coming past to take a few big things out of the house.

I felt really shit because I thought Hooka would at least have said goodbye. I went in and told Fabian Wildman and he told me that it was a good thing because I could go out and find someone else because Hooka was a dick anyway. He also said he felt sorry for me because he'd read my blogs about her and he knew my feelings were genuine. Then I went and read all my old blogs about her and I realised I've been feeling really down recently, and mostly about her.

So here's a list of things that are good about her moving away:

1) No more Angry Anderson through the walls.
2) No more Death Owl next door.
3) People might forget about me pissing through their letter-box
4) I don't have to train Battle Cat to kill (see number 2)
5) We might get some fun neighbours who don't worship the devil
6) Fabian Wildman might stop having nightmares (see number 2, again)
7) I might stop being a moody bastard
8) Sometimes I'd be sitting out in the garden and all I could smell was burnt sage from some hokus-pokus affair. No more of that.
9) I won't have to witness the police dragging them out of the house in the middle of the night covered in goat's blood
10) I won't get done for assault for kicking the face off Fat Rab (it came close).

So there we go, my feelings for Hooka were like a ball of wool: soft, but terribly tangled. That's my last word on the subject and here's the lovely Avril Lavigne expressing how I don't feel about her leaving