She's Leaving Home

So yeah I woke up yesterday to see big removal vans outside Hooka and Fat Rab's house. So I went out because if they're moving I wanted to say goodbye to Hooka (and act menacing towards Fat Rab) but they had left yesterday and the removal van was just coming past to take a few big things out of the house.

I felt really shit because I thought Hooka would at least have said goodbye. I went in and told Fabian Wildman and he told me that it was a good thing because I could go out and find someone else because Hooka was a dick anyway. He also said he felt sorry for me because he'd read my blogs about her and he knew my feelings were genuine. Then I went and read all my old blogs about her and I realised I've been feeling really down recently, and mostly about her.

So here's a list of things that are good about her moving away:

1) No more Angry Anderson through the walls.
2) No more Death Owl next door.
3) People might forget about me pissing through their letter-box
4) I don't have to train Battle Cat to kill (see number 2)
5) We might get some fun neighbours who don't worship the devil
6) Fabian Wildman might stop having nightmares (see number 2, again)
7) I might stop being a moody bastard
8) Sometimes I'd be sitting out in the garden and all I could smell was burnt sage from some hokus-pokus affair. No more of that.
9) I won't have to witness the police dragging them out of the house in the middle of the night covered in goat's blood
10) I won't get done for assault for kicking the face off Fat Rab (it came close).

So there we go, my feelings for Hooka were like a ball of wool: soft, but terribly tangled. That's my last word on the subject and here's the lovely Avril Lavigne expressing how I don't feel about her leaving

Christmas Shopping In Belfast

I tried to do some Christmas shopping today but Belfast was bunged. I headed straight for bargain books. This is where I'd get most of my stuff. I saw a book on true crime which I thought Fabian Wildman would like but then I remembered him saying he was going to stab Ron Weasley for me, so I decided I didn't want anything that might push him in the wrong direction. I know he'll steal anything he gets me but just like the Hermione Granger poster it'll be a good gift. I think he's been dropping hints it'll be pajamas, after my two recent bollock naked incidents. I hope he steals them out of a shop because I don't want to wear something someone might have wanked in.

I bought him a book on dreamology because it might help him understand his nightmares a bit better, even though dreaming about a violent satanist with a knife can really only mean one thing.

I bought Battle Cat a squeaky bone out of a pet store because he's chewed the shit out of the other one and he's started on anything that can look shit with a bite out of it. I bought him a few.

I found a little wooden horse in a knick-knack store and thought about getting it for Hooka, but then I thought it was a bit gay and left it.

Then I went and found Wino Jo and invited him to mine for Christmas day, but he said that our Metaller brother in Larne had already invited him. So I gave him his Christmas Present (a bottle of Black Bush) and wished him a happy Christmas.

Then I went back to the knick-knack shop and bought the little wooden horse for Hooka.