Battle Cat is still missing

Last night I didn't sleep very well, I kept waking up thinking I heard scratching at the door but when I went down Battle Cat wasn't there. I went out early this morning down the Lagan Meadows again but I couldn't see him anywhere. I shouted for a good bit but he never came.

I walked up to the Death Owl's house and knocked on his door for ages but there was no answer. The Superstar DJ that lived next door came out and told me that he didn't live there any more. I asked him if he knew where he'd went and he just shrugged.

"I'm too busy thinking about music to care about stuff like that," he said looking away modestly.
"My dog's missing," I said
"Music," he shrugged insistantly.

I wanted to tell him his stuff was pish but I just wandered off up the road. I'm only just in now. Me and Fabian are going back out in a bit.

I was in a petshop the other day. I wanted to buy a dog because I'm getting a bit weirded out by all the daemons I keep seeing on the television. Balkazaler visited me the other day and told me to watch out for the Death Owl and Mr Ponti because they were planning something nasty for me. I made him some chicken sandwiches but he only ate half of one, something about how he doesn't like cajun mustard with his meats. It's sitting blue moulding on the kitchen table.

I've decided to get a big violent dog. The pet shop didn't have any but told me there were some Kennels out the Lisnabreeny Road. I was just about to leave when The Death Owl wandered into the shop. He said to the owner that he was there to buy all their rats. I told the owner that he gases rats in his oven. He started yelling at me in tongues. The owner told him to leave, when The Death Owl wouldn't, the owner beat him into a bloody mess. I helped.

The owner told me he was a white wizard and hated The Death Owl and his lot. I told him that The Death Owl and that were planning some nasty spells for me. The owner cast a protection spell for me and I went on my way.

The Kennels out the Lisnabreeny Road didn't have what I was looking for, but I think I managed to buy myself some time.

I went home and lit up the crack pipe. I felt like watching some TV but I don't want to see any more daemons; I know what's coming.

I was totally set to go to my brother's intervention when I ran into Fabian Wildman in Botanic. I was supposed to catch the train but I was feeling hassled, so when he invited me back to his for a smoke of crack I graciously accepted.

He told me all about The Death Owl getting arrested and how he's been gassing rats in their oven as part of a spell to stop himself getting sent down. It's a bit fucked up and the worry was showing in Fabian's face as he talked and talked. I told him he should get the landlord to chuck The Death Owl out but he just shrugged. I think he's scared of him.

I caught the train late and ended up getting to my metaller brother's house wasted off my face two hours late. It was mostly over by the time I got there. My fruitarian brother was talking about how plants feel pain and saying if a dog ate our babies we'd have it put down. It was horrific.

I went up to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom but all he had was some calpol. Paracetamol is easy to overdose on so I left it alone. I bet the mean bastard cleared it out especially for me.

I fucked off after that. My hotshot banker brother (Northern since you asked) never bothered his arse showing up so it was only the metaller and Wino Jo (my oldest brother, who could also do with his own intervention) left to take care of things. I went round to the Fruitarian's house and left him a basket of fruit. I hope he's okay. Winter's coming in and I keep thinking about the guy at the end of Into The Wild. I hope he weathers it okay.

The Hallowe'en party was balls.

It started well, with lots of slam dancing and drinking beer and everyone having good crack (not the sort I smoke in my pipe, he he). I was getting on well with Hooka and it looked like things were really going my way as we were slow dancing to Evanescence. All of a sudden Fat Rab and The Death Owl came flying in with a big "SURPRISE!" just as I was sticking the lips on Hooka.

They fucking went mental, with her screaming about how I was a sexist "just cause a woman's being nice to you blah blah blah" and Fat Rab screaming about curses and Satan. The Death Owl was wabbing it about in the background like he was doing an incantation.

Turns out the wankers got out on remand and wanted to surprise everyone.

Firstly I'd told The Death Owl to cut that shit out or I'd set more than his toenails on fire. Then I told Fat Rab that I'd met Daemons while smoking crack and wasn't scared of them, so he could do his worst. Then I looked at Hooka. She looked angry but her expression softened and she looked like she might cry. I just shrugged and walked out of the party.

They started it all up again with Rod Stewart's Baby Jane. How apt? I turned to see Hooka and Fat Rab kissing. I went home and burst into tears.

I been walking around all twee thanks to the valium. It's not cool because usually I like to feel all gangsta or rock and roll. Instead I've been listening to Nick Drake and wandering about the Lagan Meadows. It all came to a head when I found myself talking to a duck about Hermione. The duck quacked with indifference and flew off. I was soon overcome by the smell of sewage and fucked off home again. I stopped midway and poured the pills into the river.

Come halfway up the hill to the Malone Road I was twitching like a muthafucker. I bust into a car but there were no drugs. I managed to get the lid off the petrol tank and get a good oul huff of it. I felt terrible and boked all the way home where I curled up in bed and turned the heating on.

My neighbours started blasting their sweaty heavy metal through the walls but I managed to sleep anyway. I woke to screams at about two in the morning and heard cop sirens. I looked out the window to see Fat Rab (the man neighbour) getting dragged off by cops along with The Death Owl (I had no idea that creepy bastard hung out round there). They were both covered in blood. I wondered what the fuck was going on but then Hooka (the girl neighbour) came running out screaming that they had bought the goat with their own money and could sacrifice it to their lord Satan if they felt like it. A cop hit her in the mouth with their truncheon and knocked her flying. I don't like the cops but since she had started screaming about "the druggy bastard next door" (me) I'm glad he did it. A shame because she's alright to talk to sometimes if you're having a cup of tea out the back and she's out too. Now she won't be able to say anything with an F in it.

The weather was cooler today so I went to my dealer to find out he'd been busted by cops (ha ha). I suppose this is karma for him not coming to my house yesterday but it left me drugless. That is until, as I was walking home, I bumped into Fabian Wildman in the Crescent Park. He could tell by the way I was twitching that I needed something to take the edge off it, so he invited me up to his flat to smoke crack with him and his flatmate The Death Owl.

The Death Owl is a weird muthafucka who likes to set fire to his big long toenails and then stub them out before they burn his feet. He also wears a big grim reapers cloak and to be honest I don't think he's doing it for a joke (which makes it funny). 

Anyways I had a nice big smoke of the crack pipe and went out for a walk. Fabian Wildman came with me and we went about Botanic where there were lots of pictures of a guys face that had been flypostered everywhere. It was a bit weird. We wished we had markers to draw over them but he already had a silly moustache. We wanted to give him speech bubbles saying funny stuff like "I'm a wanker" but we hadn't got any. So I went home and Fabian Wildman went back to his flat with The Death Owl.

He gets a bit scared of The Death Owl sometimes. He was telling me that sometimes he wakes up to find The Death Owl standing at the foot of his bed or staring in the window at him.

Poor Fabian. I went home thankful that I don't live with scary wankers and went the fuck to my bed (still no access to coke!)