My Year

So I started this blog just after my birthday last year and what a year it's been. I've been sitting back taking stock of everything that's happened.

I started it because I was always going round in circles and getting into the same old crap.

I can say though that in this past year I've given up crack, started looking after a pet, joined and been kicked out of a sweaty heavy metal vomit rock and roll band and met a tonne of new people, some of which are good friends. Not just that but if you look down my side bar you'll see a load of other cool people you should check out.

That said here's a few wee stats about my year.

I've had 3 housemates - Fabian Wildman, Battle Cat and Hot Baby Roy (briefly)
I was going to count the number of fights I was in but I couldn't be arsed, you just need to know I won them all.
I've had sex a few times (not enough) and still have no girlfriend.
I started wearing leotards
I met someone who thinks that unicorns are an extinct species
I've been asked to watch Wild Child 143 times and said no 142.
I vomited in a woman's mouth (and she vomited in mine)
I saved a few people from unjustly getting their balls kicked.
I forged a member of Razorlight's autograph (to stop someone going to the police)
I cried a bit but I laughed a lot
I sniffed a few felt tips
I shoplifted loads
and I may or may not have licked the bowl (some people may wonder though).

I've not had a job but as of yesterday I have now found one and I start my pish call centre training on Monday. Wish me luck!

I was in a petshop the other day. I wanted to buy a dog because I'm getting a bit weirded out by all the daemons I keep seeing on the television. Balkazaler visited me the other day and told me to watch out for the Death Owl and Mr Ponti because they were planning something nasty for me. I made him some chicken sandwiches but he only ate half of one, something about how he doesn't like cajun mustard with his meats. It's sitting blue moulding on the kitchen table.

I've decided to get a big violent dog. The pet shop didn't have any but told me there were some Kennels out the Lisnabreeny Road. I was just about to leave when The Death Owl wandered into the shop. He said to the owner that he was there to buy all their rats. I told the owner that he gases rats in his oven. He started yelling at me in tongues. The owner told him to leave, when The Death Owl wouldn't, the owner beat him into a bloody mess. I helped.

The owner told me he was a white wizard and hated The Death Owl and his lot. I told him that The Death Owl and that were planning some nasty spells for me. The owner cast a protection spell for me and I went on my way.

The Kennels out the Lisnabreeny Road didn't have what I was looking for, but I think I managed to buy myself some time.

I went home and lit up the crack pipe. I felt like watching some TV but I don't want to see any more daemons; I know what's coming.