Volunteering in Prisons and Hot Baby Roy

I was walking over the Ormeau Bridge last night when I bumped into Hot Baby Roy, he was telling me that he thought his idea for a pub quiz would never get off the ground and that he thought people thought he was a joke. He'd show them, Hot Baby Roy was going to rule this city one day. He'd become something important, like mayor.

He was getting pretty worked up and I told him that I thought he should do some voluntary work, just to show the community he cared about them in his heart.

He snorted and said that the only person he ever knew that did voluntary work used to go into prisons and the guards would sedate all the prisoners and he'd go in and molest them then fuck off home and Hot Baby Roy thought that was disgusting.

I told him he should go to Oxfam and sell clothes. He said that he couldn't be trusted on a till. People have to know their limits and he knew his.

He asked me how the call centre was working out and I told him it was shite because I didn't want him getting a job there. I said on the first day they take you into a room and kick the shite out of you. He looked keen and asked if any women did the beating.

I told him no, it was all ugly men.

Forget it, he said. But I can't I've been thinking about it since yesterday.

Fabian Can't Find a House

Fabian Wildman might not be moving out so soon. He says that him and Betty Blue have been out seeing houses and everywhere looks like a Who's Who of lonely Belfast. He's had people half skip screaming round the house with him about how much fun it's going to be when Fabian Wildman moves in with them and when he does they can go to the pub! (like it was the only one - and they'd never been).

That and the money being charged for shared accomodation is fucking ridiculous. £220 for some grotty wee shithole with rust on the walls and piss stains in the carpet. He says it was down on gumtree, daft, homefinder or whenever as "luxury", just because it had some shit hippy rug on the floor from the Oxfam beside Fresh Garbage.

He saw one place he nearly took but then he heard the guy in the next room have a wank, clear as anything, the wall was like a glorified shower curtain. He just said "no fucking way," there and then. The landlord told him it was a good price, Fabian told him he was a theiving bastard and left.