Fabian Can't Find a House

Fabian Wildman might not be moving out so soon. He says that him and Betty Blue have been out seeing houses and everywhere looks like a Who's Who of lonely Belfast. He's had people half skip screaming round the house with him about how much fun it's going to be when Fabian Wildman moves in with them and when he does they can go to the pub! (like it was the only one - and they'd never been).

That and the money being charged for shared accomodation is fucking ridiculous. £220 for some grotty wee shithole with rust on the walls and piss stains in the carpet. He says it was down on gumtree, daft, homefinder or whenever as "luxury", just because it had some shit hippy rug on the floor from the Oxfam beside Fresh Garbage.

He saw one place he nearly took but then he heard the guy in the next room have a wank, clear as anything, the wall was like a glorified shower curtain. He just said "no fucking way," there and then. The landlord told him it was a good price, Fabian told him he was a theiving bastard and left.

It all comes out (a bit)

I got really pissed the other day when I was down at Nanny Boo Boo's, that old lady likes to pack her vodka away. I like it too but vodka always leaves me in a really emotional state and after blurting out to her that I wasn't looking forward to Fabian Wildman leaving and how my brother Wino Jo had been missing all year and no one's seen him and I hadn't heard from my brothers in months and I was pissed off that no one gave a fuck. I told her about Foosted Wotsit head and how I thought he'd done something to Wino Jo but that he'd disappeared to and all the leads were cold.

She said that I should put an add in the Belfast Telegraph but I said I'd no money and sure no one reads the classifieds except for spooks looking for instructions on their next mission.

She asked me some more about Foosted Wotsit Head and when I told her she said that she'd known him years ago and that she was surprised he was a wino because back in the day gambling was his thing and that he played a mean game of stud poker.

I was so plastered but when I got home Fabian Wildman was out and so I phoned my metaller brother in Larne but he wasn't in so I left him a voice mail. I have to admit I was pretty emotional so it just came out something like:

"Wino Jo...Wino Jo...where is Wino Jo....f-f-f-Foosted Wotsit Head has had bad dreams."

Or some shit so I hate to think what he made of it. I haven't heard back from him. I might leave it a week or two and call again.