Happy Fucking New Year (oops!)

So I'm now crawling off to bed plastered and in a pretty good mood. Fabian Wildman is in his new room, Battle Cat is in the kitchen and my brother Wino Jo is sleeping on the sofa.

We opted for booze instead of crack because it turns out Fabian was thinking the same as me about giving up crack. I told him I didn't want to give it up as a new year's resolution but that I wouldn't do it in front of him for the wee while before I tried giving it up too.

My brother Wino Jo called round with a bottle of Bushmills (not the one I bought him for Christmas) and we all got pissed and listened to Fabian Wildman's records.

Fabian had his last smoke up in his room a wee while before the ball dropped. Then he came downstairs and gave me his favourite crack pipe.

I hope he lasts longer with his resolution than I do with mine. Twenty minutes in I said the fuck word. Then thirty minutes in I said Bastard. Not long after that I said ball bag. I know the last one isn't technically a swear word but it serves the same purpose and it's hardly polite. Anyways, I've still got bitch, bloody, wanker and cunt to fall back on and since my resolution was to stop saying them I haven't broken it by typing them.

Hope you all have a smashing year.

A New Housemate

I came home to find Fabian Wildman in tears. He wouldn't say what it was at first but I eventually coaxed it out of him.

"I've been done for shoplifting," he said.
"Shit sorry to hear that mate," I said.
"I was getting you and Battle Cat presents at the time," he said. "I wanted to say thanks, because you've been really nice letting me stay."
"Don't worry about the presents it's okay really."
"I don't like sponging off you, I'll be gone tonight."
"No don't go," I said. "You're welcome here. We like having you."
"Really?" he said stopping crying.
"Sure, listen, in the new year go down the dole and get them to change your address to here, you can stay for good."
"That's great," he said smiling. It was nice to see him happy. I'm glad I'm not on my own. We've a nice wee gang me, Fabian and Battle Cat, and to be honest I wouldn't mind it getting bigger.
"What address did you give the cops?" I asked him.
"My old flat with The Death Owl," he said.
"Great, now the cops won't know the right address to send your summons to, you might get away with it."