I've changed the look of the blog, just felt after a year and a half that I'd do some redecorating. Some like it, some aren't sure. I suppose it's like when Doctor Who regenerates and the fans say "He'll never be like (insert the previous Doctor)." But then the new Doctor does extra-cool super dooper shit in the next episode and everyone thinks they is da bomb (or thereabouts).
Me and Hot Baby Roy were watching the new Doctor Who the other night on iPlayer and thinking that this has been Matt Smith's best episode yet. Hot Baby Roy became visably excited when Amy Pond tried it on with him but was really fucking angry when he said no. He started shouting at the telly that if he'd have Billie Piper he shouldn't turn his fucking nose up at Karen Gillan.
I had to explain that it was a different Doctor so different tastes. Hot Baby Roy said bullshit and stormed off upstairs.
I took Battle Cat out for a walk and bumped into Clarence Pishflap at the bottom of the street. He asked if Hot Baby Roy was in. I asked him who wanted to know.
He told me that he was going to batter Hot Baby Roy for what he did to Rock and Roll Stephen.
"I thought you were supposed to be Hot Baby Roy's friend." I said.
"I was but he's trying to fuck it up for me with The Unicorn Girl, going round beating up her friends. Who the fuck does he think he is?"
"He thinks he's Hot Baby Roy," I said, then I realised I sounded like a dick. "Listen if you hit him I'll break your face."
"There's not just me going to hit him. There's Mother of Bowling Ball too. You'd best let me beat him up unless you want to feel his violence and all."
"Mother of Bowling Ball? I destroyed him with one punch last year. We're not scared of him, you and him. You're going to go home now and me and Battle Cat will follow you at a distance for a bit, just to make sure you're out of the area."
He protested but Battle Cat started snarling. He didn't like that. He snarled back but walk off in defeat.
As a parting shot he said: "I'm not going home, I'm going to see The Unicorn Girl."
Fuck him, at another point I'll get him for that but I'm starting to wonder, with Clarence Pishflap, Mother of Bowling Ball and The Death Owl all coming back into the picture I need to watch my back.
Showing posts with label pishflap. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pishflap. Show all posts
Monday, 3 May 2010
Tuesday, 2 March 2010
Dark Eyes Follow Me
I woke up on the couch this morning to find someone stomping around upstairs. I fetched the baseball bat from the cupboard under the stairs and went up to find Hot Baby Roy tidying up. I asked him what he was at.
He said the house was in a bit of a mess and he was sorting things out. I asked him where he'd been. He said he was staying for a few nights at Clarence Pishflap's. I asked if the Unicorn Girl was there too, and he burst out laughing. I told him that Clarence and he were an item and that I thought she was too good for him.
He said that Clarence wished they were an item because when she's round Clarence is always making her cups of tea and listening to her talk about indie boys that have wronged her and telling her she should leave boys alone and get with a "real man," by that he means himself.
Hot Baby Roy said that one night the Unicorn Girl fell asleep as Clarence was comforting her on the couch (no sex implied) and that when he, Hot Baby Roy walked into the room Clarence was rocking her gently and sniffling. He was implanting subliminal messages, saying "You fancy me, Clarence: a real man," softly in her ear. That's the only night she ever spent at his and Clarence said the next morning that he will never say if they had sex or not because "a gentleman never tells," even though nobody asked.
Hot Baby Roy said that he was fed up with Clarence and had seen him for the sad case he was. He also said that Clarence had bought ninja stars and kept saying he was going to embed them into my skull. And that Clarence had been following me around town when I was wankered out of my face and sometimes deep into the Lagan Meadows as night. Watching for a sign of my weakness, he nearly had me the other night but Rock and Roll Stephen was stroking my hair while I slept (yuk) and Clarence had to go home to change his catheter before it overflowed.
I told him that I wasn't bothered. If Clarence beat me in a dream he'd better wake up and apologise. I felt a bit silly for saying this and Hot Baby Roy politely stared at the floor.
He said the house was in a bit of a mess and he was sorting things out. I asked him where he'd been. He said he was staying for a few nights at Clarence Pishflap's. I asked if the Unicorn Girl was there too, and he burst out laughing. I told him that Clarence and he were an item and that I thought she was too good for him.
He said that Clarence wished they were an item because when she's round Clarence is always making her cups of tea and listening to her talk about indie boys that have wronged her and telling her she should leave boys alone and get with a "real man," by that he means himself.
Hot Baby Roy said that one night the Unicorn Girl fell asleep as Clarence was comforting her on the couch (no sex implied) and that when he, Hot Baby Roy walked into the room Clarence was rocking her gently and sniffling. He was implanting subliminal messages, saying "You fancy me, Clarence: a real man," softly in her ear. That's the only night she ever spent at his and Clarence said the next morning that he will never say if they had sex or not because "a gentleman never tells," even though nobody asked.
Hot Baby Roy said that he was fed up with Clarence and had seen him for the sad case he was. He also said that Clarence had bought ninja stars and kept saying he was going to embed them into my skull. And that Clarence had been following me around town when I was wankered out of my face and sometimes deep into the Lagan Meadows as night. Watching for a sign of my weakness, he nearly had me the other night but Rock and Roll Stephen was stroking my hair while I slept (yuk) and Clarence had to go home to change his catheter before it overflowed.
I told him that I wasn't bothered. If Clarence beat me in a dream he'd better wake up and apologise. I felt a bit silly for saying this and Hot Baby Roy politely stared at the floor.
Thursday, 18 February 2010
A Nice Day on the Sofa
This morning I broke the bad news of my firing to Hot Baby Roy and Wino Jo, they both started shouting at me about how could I do this? And how I couldn't go back on the dole. I reminded them that they both were on the dole and that maybe now they could stop scabbing off me and go out and find jobs and treat me to the spoils of their hard earned jobs.
They both started shouting again and I just went back upstairs and had a snooze. When I woke up neither of them were in the house so I went down and sat on the sofa with Battle Cat. I told him that I was fired but I wasn't going to stay on the dole long because I want money. I just want a better job than the shit one I had.
There was fuck all on TV so we watched a Chuck Norris DVD were Chuck stares down a bear. I don't know why everyone goes on about Chuck being all hard. I'd slap the ginger wee pishflap about with my big toe.
They both started shouting again and I just went back upstairs and had a snooze. When I woke up neither of them were in the house so I went down and sat on the sofa with Battle Cat. I told him that I was fired but I wasn't going to stay on the dole long because I want money. I just want a better job than the shit one I had.
There was fuck all on TV so we watched a Chuck Norris DVD were Chuck stares down a bear. I don't know why everyone goes on about Chuck being all hard. I'd slap the ginger wee pishflap about with my big toe.
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