Watching You Without Me

I had to get out of the house today because Hot Baby Roy and Gingerella's tongue wrestling fest has really put me on the back foot. I sit in the living room and feel like a ghost in my own home, watching it without me. They even sit and play with Battle Cat and he gets on famously with her.

I was pissed off, I left them to it and fucked off out with a bottle of strong booze. I walked up the comber greenway trying to ignore I was never more than five meters from someone's house. Poor me.

Does anyone know the way to rockbottom? I'm looking for the signpost.

I'm not giving up. There is a light and it never goes out.

Three Sisters Who Fell Into The Mountain

I'm wandering about Belfast feeling miserable more and more in my time off, because Hot Baby Roy and Wino Jo are huffing with me so it feels like that song that says "it's not my home, it's their home and I'm welcome no more." I think it's by The Smiths.

So I walked down by the city centre and it was all a bit nothing, everyone is all running around feeling cool about not being skint this month. I shouldn't resent them it's just I'm miserable.

I thought that when I got a job things would start to move forward and they haven't. I don't have any friends for work that I hang out with when I'm not working. I spend most of my money sorting out my brother and Hot Baby Roy and the only friend I have that doesn't scrounge off me is Nanny Boo Boo.

Last year when I was going to lots of heavy metal vomit parties was a lot of fun but now no one from that time wants to know me. I remember seeing this troll on a TV show (it was an animation) and the troll was all going on about how he wanted a sweetheart and he asked these girls who came wandering into his cave (the came one by one at different times, but it just so happened they were sisters), the first two said no and so the troll turned them to stone (this may have been a metaphor for what they did to the poor troll's heart) and the last sister said yes, but it was only a trick to fuck the troll up worse. In the end she got her sisters free and the troll turned into a big stone mountain. I know how he feels (metaphorically), still.

I learned facial expressions from watching Thomas the Tank Engine

I woke up this morning with a DVD player in my room. I must have robbed it when I was high last night. It's a bit worrying because I usually remember stuff like that. I remember walking about the Malone Road crying about Hooka because I'd woke up to her and Fat Rab playing Angry Anderson, so this meant that she wasn't interested.

I turned on the TV to check if there was anything in the news but I got worried in case Sammy Wilson might be on. I went and cleaned up Battle Cat's shit in the kitchen and went into town. No one's still seen Wino Jo. I tried to phone my other brothers to talk to them about him but none of them were answering. I wanted to tell Fabian about what happened with Hooka but he's all loved up so I don't want to bum him out.

I went into the Zaavi in the Victoria Centre looking for the Akon album because his Lonely really sums up how I feel, but if you watch the video you see that Akon is lonely because he tells his mates to fuck off because he wants to be alone. That's not exactly how I feel but it's close enough.

I couldn't see Akon's album on the shelves so I asked an assistant. He burst out laughing at me, I told him I'd break his face and see how funny he found that. For some reason I didn't stop there, I started pouring out all about Hooka and how she wanted to be with Fat Rab and how Fabian didn't wash but he could still get a girl who looked like Betty Blue to let him eat boiled eggs out her pussy and maybe he'd like to go and find the Akon album before I set fire to him and pushed him into that stand full of pish books over there and see how fucking funny he finds that.

He quickly apologised and said they didn't have Akon because he's dead popular and the minute his album comes in it's sold out in minutes. He did recommend a band called The Smiths, who he said were great for when you felt down and that he always listens to them when he needs a good cry. I bought the album and found that this song There is a Light That Never Goes Out sums up how I feel: