Heavy Metal Vomit Party No.1

I've been worried about Fabian Wildman since he lost his job. He just sits around the house huffing lighter gas and screaming about the Poles. I decided to take him to a heavy metal vomit party up in Rosetta to cheer him up. Me, him and the Sweaty Metallers showed up fashionably late and started rocking fuck out of the place. Fabian Wildman seemed to cheer up and I left him to it and went and met Johnny Davro and Peace Man. They're apparently really cool dudes and I wanted them to like me because all the skanky metal pussy hangs around them. Yum yum.

Rather than walk up and be all "yo I'm Tuesday Kid," I decided to try a different tactic. They were sitting at a table not saying anything and I just wandered up and sat down beside them. I didn't speak and neither did they. We all just sat trying to out cool each other. After two hours I just got up and walked off. I think I made a good impression.

I walked into the livingroom and found Fabian Wildman sitting shaking and foaming at the mouth talking about how foreigners were coming into our country and taking all our jobs. I wasn't too pleased because fuck knows who was listening and that's the sort of talk that starts fights. I tried to lead him off topic but he kept coming back to it. Then he started cursing the labour government and saying that things were better under the tories.

I don't know where he gets this from because he didn't used to talk like this. I think he must have some new dildo mates filling his head with pish.

That got me thinking about Doctor Who. Both me and Fabian Wildman are big Doctor Who fans and if you watch it you know that the doctor sometimes regenerates and when he does not only does he look different but his personality changes too. I think Fabian has had a recent regeneration and it's changed him from cool but intense crack head into failed yuppie wannabee with overtones of racism. I hope he's really done a Colin Baker (6th Doctor) which is seem like a bit of a nasty dude but really the good guy is underneath waiting to slowly emerge.

The Obel Tower (to begin with)

After I'd a good smoke of crack I took Battle Cat for a walk. I decided to take him somewhere other than the Lagan Meadows so we went down along the front of the Lagan to where they're building that big Obel tower which will fall over a few years later because no one will want to live in it and they'll turn it into a bail hostel and all the crims will be swinging from floor to floor like monkeys pushing dope and trading dirty playing cards for pick axes and making a right old fucking mess of the place smashing their enemies skulls into the walls and pissing away the blood stains. They won't even notice when it starts to crumble and every so often the building will seem slightly smaller but the chaos will reign. I hope it happens sooner rather than later. It'd be nice to have a few yuppies in there first, all sitting cowering and ringing the peelers night and day and getting told they can fuck off (not in so many words, the cops are way too polite, at least until they get you in the cells).

I stood and told Battle Cat about this and he looked excitedly at me, I don't like that he seems so eager to be a criminal. The best kinds of criminals are the ones who don't feel that it's a choice.

Anyways when we got home there was a loud banging noise upstairs. I went up to find Fabian Wildman in my room in his zentai running and throwing himself at my Hermione poster to splat spread eagled into it. Then he'd slide down the wall with a blissful sigh and say "she's magic."

It looked really fucked up but I gave it a go (minus the Zentai of course) and it felt really good (if a little painful) but believe you me I was screaming with delight. Poor Gobbolino and Battle Cat just sat at the edge of the room watching us bemused. I'm sure I saw them shake their heads, but they shouldn't judge. Courting is a lot simpler for animals.