When I went to kick everyone's ass I didn't leave the house

So I tried to get Hot Baby Roy to clean himself up a bit before he took me round to where Mother of Bowling Ball lived. He was saying no no, and that he didn't want to make things any worse. I asked him how it could be any worse. He's been beat up and dumped.

He said that both Clarence and Mother of Bowling Ball were at Hot Firey Love Lady's house waiting for me to show up. So they could break my bones.

I asked him what the fuck had happened.

He said that him and Hot Firey Love Lady were just chilling out when Mother of Bowling Ball and Clarence Pishflap came in. Clarence Pishflap was making dicky remarks about him and how he was a pervert with a suspect film collection. He told Clarence to fuck off or he'd be sorry. Then Mother of Bowling Ball laughed and told him that he should sit and take his slagging because he was in no position to act the hard man. He knew because he'd had a fight with him and sometimes still laughs about how easy it was to win.

Hot Baby Roy jumped up and told him that he wasn't going to be laughing about this. Then he tried some of his Karate from a book that he'd been learning. And when he shouted key-eye! Mother of Bowling Ball blocked his punch and nutted him in the face. Then him and Clarence started laying in the digs. Hot Firey Love Lady split the whole thing up and told Mother of Bowling Ball she'd get him kicked out this time but Mother of Bowling Ball said that he was just defending himself.

Hot Firey Love Lady asked Hot Baby Roy to leave because she didn't think he was into violence but she's not sure she can look at him in the same way again after what he did, or tried to do.

I told him that me and him were going to break some legs. I could take both Mother of Bowling Ball and Clarence Pishflap out with brow slaps but he started crying even more and telling me that I'd ruin his chances of getting back with Hot Firey Love Lady if I did. I told him that it didn't even sound like he was definately dumped.

This really puzzled hopeful look came across his face and I told him that I wouldn't go round there now as long as he gave me the address and was okay about me breaking Mother of Bowling Ball's legs at a later date.

He said he'd like that.

I also asked if I could teach him how to fight because Karate from a book works only in the book.

He said he'd like that too.

Then I bought us some beers and we talked long into the night about the kicking I was going to teach him to give Clarence Pishflap but Mother of Bowling Ball was going to be mine.

I'm going to give someone a good kicking

Hot Baby Roy just walked in the door with blood pissing out of his face. He says Mother of Bowling Ball did it to him and Hot Firey Love Lady has dumped him. I don't know what the fuck has happened but I'm going to knock that grunge bastard's head off.

Mother of Bowling Ball Is In For the Wildest Kicking of His Life

Hot Baby Roy came home last night covered in blood. He'd been round at Gingerella's and it turns out that Mother of Bowling Ball is her housemate. He hit Hot Baby Roy a dig in the mouth for the whole Rock and Roll Stephen thing. Hot Baby Roy can't fight for shit and took a few digs more trying to get the fuck out of there.

He was in a real state, he looked all embarrased about getting beat up in front of Gingerella and he was crying and he seemed all woozy. I asked him for Gingerella's address because because I was going round to kick every shade of shit I could get out of Mother of Bowling Ball. Hot Baby Roy started to cry harder and said "this always happens me when things start to go right."

Then Gingerella called in at the house. She was crying too and said that she'd just had a big fight with Mother of Bowling Ball (not a physical one) and that he was saying all sorts about Hot Baby Roy that just weren't true like him and me were crack heads and that Hot Baby Roy was a pervert when she knows that he's a really sweet guy. I didn't want to tell her that Mother of Bowling Ball had gotten anything even close to correct so I just asked her if she'd tell me where he was so I could go and teach him not to hit my friends.

She said that she doesn't want that. She wants Hot Baby Roy to go to the police because Mother of Bowling Ball is just a thug. I told her that this was a street fight and the cops don't have a say. She pushed on into the house and said she wanted to take Hot Baby Roy to casualty. He was in a wild state but managed not to cry more and she didn't notice he had been crying because he was covered in blood.

She took a face cloth out of the bathroom and tried to hold it over his face to stop the bleeding. Just watching her help Hot Baby Roy made me realise that I'd been really unfair to her. I asked her if she wanted any help. She said no and that she didn't want any more fighting. This thing needed sorting out properly and not in some violent way. She said that she had no time for violence and that Hot Baby Roy had shown he didn't either by not even trying to fight back.

I didn't want to tell her that he didn't fight back out of pacifism but more fear and his own self-knowledge. I didn't want to so I didn't. And I do want to kick fuck out of Mother of Bowling Ball and I'm so fucking going to.

A party at last.

Fabian Wildman was out when I got home from my metaller brothers. A bit careless like because he left Battle Cat in on his own. When he does this he leaves him out a bowl of food and lots of water so it's not too bad, but I sometimes worry about people breaking in and stealing him.

Anyways he finally came back last night with Betty Blue and some of her mates. The Unicorn Girl, a girl called Sandcastles and A guy called Stanley (who looks like Stan Laurel),

Unicorn Girl seemed to have forgiven (or at least forgotten) my faux pass the other night, and gave me a big hippy hug when she came in. Sandcastles didn't say much and Stanley turned out to be probably the biggest closet homosexual I've ever met.

From the moment he opened his mouth I thought he was a bit camp and within the first few minutes of meeting him he'd insisted that he wasn't gay (even though no one had suggested he was), that Robbie Williams was gay without a doubt (because of the women he had dated) and that he has nothing against gays.

Then he proceeded to tell a story which had no real point beyond him fucking his girlfriend (apparently his dick bled afterwards).
Once we got that out of the way he calmed down and the three of them had brought booze, they said I could have some. I took Fabian aside and told him what had happened at my "intervention". Fabian was livid. I'd started to calm down about it, I wasn't so much angry any more, as just hurt.

Then we'd a knock on the door. We were worried in case it was the peelers.

"Open up It's Hot Baby Roy," shouted Hot Baby Roy from outside.

We let him in, he'd his friend Clarence with him (who I hadn't met before but Fabian says he's like Hot Baby Roy turned up full blast).

Hot Baby Roy wanted to know if he could watch Bring It On here because his TV was bust and it had sexy cheerleaders in it. Clarence started downing a bottle of vodka and rubbing his crotch. I think Betty Blue's mates were a bit scared.

I told him no, but that him and Clarence could hang out and have a bit of a shindig with us because I'd been expecting one last week that hadn't happened.

In the end we'd a good laugh, the sweaty metallers came round and brought the banshee. I got fucking trashed and I remember telling Hot Baby Roy that he was becoming a good mate (I hope I didn't tell him he could move in when Fabian goes). I rolled up my big Hermione poster and gave it to him (even though Fabian gave it to me first) but it was mostly because I didn't want the girls to see (I think girls find it a bit weird).