Giving up on the bad stuff

Okay so that's me done with the oul crack. I've given up and binned my crack pipe. Me and Fabian Wildman pissed on it, then we let Battle Cat piss on it, just so I really wouldn't want to use it again.

I've me bottle of cough syrup and I'm gonna take it steady. I wonder what life will be like now me and Fabian will both be off crack. He's out looking for a job, says he's sick of the dole. Says it's hard to get a job because everyone is looking for one and a lot of ones that already have one want two. That's a bit strange. No one should have to work two jobs to get by, or even have a nice life.

Everyone should get some time on the dole like me, just clears your head, and if you've a cool mate like Fabian and a puppy dog like Battle Cat it can be a lot of fun.

But I also remember how lonely I was last year and sadly it's like that for a lot of unemployed folk.

I'm gonna settle down now and get some sleep. I hope I don't piss the bed.

Good King Thumpo and The Indie Rock and Rollers

I bumped into Good King Thumpo earlier. He was wandering around Shaftsbury Square pished out of his face. He was blabbering on about being hard and kicking the shite out of people and the usual. I was plastered too and it only put me in the mood to go home and kick the shite out of Fat Rab. Good King Thumpo was kinda hard to follow because not only was he slurring his words he was also jumping from topic to topic. He started blubbing and singing wee bits from Suzanne Vega's Luka and some song about "ma wee babay" he looked to be near collapsing.

Then a car drove past playing this happy hardcore classic



Good King Thumpo took his top off to reveal his heavily tattooed, roid addled torso and started dancing all buck mad. I felt so shit I joined in (I kept my top on). We got into this cool thing where we stood opposite each other and had our hands interweaving as we raved like a bunch of cool dudes.

Some indie kids gathered round for a chuckle so we slapped the fuck out of them. We didn't draw blood so it was okay. Like typical indie kids they burst into tears and I think one wet himself.

Good King Thumpo felt much better.

"Nothing better than knocking those wee pish flaps about," he said tearing into another can.

I went into a phonebox and sobbed for a good half hour. Then I sat on the street and scrounged for a bit, something I've never done before but I figure it might become a handy skill to have what with this credit crunch.