When I went to kick everyone's ass I didn't leave the house

So I tried to get Hot Baby Roy to clean himself up a bit before he took me round to where Mother of Bowling Ball lived. He was saying no no, and that he didn't want to make things any worse. I asked him how it could be any worse. He's been beat up and dumped.

He said that both Clarence and Mother of Bowling Ball were at Hot Firey Love Lady's house waiting for me to show up. So they could break my bones.

I asked him what the fuck had happened.

He said that him and Hot Firey Love Lady were just chilling out when Mother of Bowling Ball and Clarence Pishflap came in. Clarence Pishflap was making dicky remarks about him and how he was a pervert with a suspect film collection. He told Clarence to fuck off or he'd be sorry. Then Mother of Bowling Ball laughed and told him that he should sit and take his slagging because he was in no position to act the hard man. He knew because he'd had a fight with him and sometimes still laughs about how easy it was to win.

Hot Baby Roy jumped up and told him that he wasn't going to be laughing about this. Then he tried some of his Karate from a book that he'd been learning. And when he shouted key-eye! Mother of Bowling Ball blocked his punch and nutted him in the face. Then him and Clarence started laying in the digs. Hot Firey Love Lady split the whole thing up and told Mother of Bowling Ball she'd get him kicked out this time but Mother of Bowling Ball said that he was just defending himself.

Hot Firey Love Lady asked Hot Baby Roy to leave because she didn't think he was into violence but she's not sure she can look at him in the same way again after what he did, or tried to do.

I told him that me and him were going to break some legs. I could take both Mother of Bowling Ball and Clarence Pishflap out with brow slaps but he started crying even more and telling me that I'd ruin his chances of getting back with Hot Firey Love Lady if I did. I told him that it didn't even sound like he was definately dumped.

This really puzzled hopeful look came across his face and I told him that I wouldn't go round there now as long as he gave me the address and was okay about me breaking Mother of Bowling Ball's legs at a later date.

He said he'd like that.

I also asked if I could teach him how to fight because Karate from a book works only in the book.

He said he'd like that too.

Then I bought us some beers and we talked long into the night about the kicking I was going to teach him to give Clarence Pishflap but Mother of Bowling Ball was going to be mine.

Fabian Wildman is leaving

Fabian's decided he has to move out. He can't risk the peelers catching him here, and since I've lied to them about him, he says he doesn't want to put me at risk. It's considerate but I'll miss him. We've had a lot of fun me, him and Battle Cat and I'll be sad to see him go. He says he won't be moving too far, and I'm welcome to visit him. Which will be good but it won't be the same.

I'm going to have to find a new housemate, but I don't want any fucker moving in. This is going to suck.

Fabian Wildman is leaving

Fabian's decided he has to move out. He can't risk the peelers catching him here, and since I've lied to them about him, he says he doesn't want to put me at risk. It's considerate but I'll miss him. We've had a lot of fun me, him and Battle Cat and I'll be sad to see him go. He says he won't be moving too far, and I'm welcome to visit him. Which will be good but it won't be the same.

I'm going to have to find a new housemate, but I don't want any fucker moving in. This is going to suck.

In the Cold Cold Night

Still ill on Wednesday so I couldn't make the Jam next door. The sweaty metallers were disappointed but they went ahead with the jam anyway because they were trying out some new girl on backing vocals. She screamed and howled like a banshee. It was blood curdling. Fabian Wildman didn't sleep a wink the whole night and it was nothing to do with Betty Blue. He came walking into my room at 3 in the morning and asked me where the light switch was. I told him the light was already on and he asked how come he was eternally in darkness.

He told me that as a kid he had wanted to be cool when he grew up and own his own car and go out to the club with his buddies after a week of working hard, it would be now time to play hard. And not that he'd anything against me, because he liked me, but his life wasn't taking the shape he'd hoped it would.

Then he spoiled it all by saying:

"I'm very deep you know, I often ask myself the big questions."

I told him that I didn't have any answers and that I'd maybe hoped my life would have been different but there you go. I think Fabian might ask himself the big questions but then he'd probably go for a wank before he found the answers.