I HATE WESTLIFE

I'm feeling better and I've been up and at 'em since yesterday. I went round the sweaty metallers to tell them I was excited about our next jam and about the banshee singing with us. That's when they sat me down and between them (they're hard to tell apart, and they rarely are apart, that's why I always talk about the two of them together) that they also like the banshee and don't know where I fit into the band anymore. I nearly screamed at them, no one screams like I scream, I thought but then I remembered what the banshee sounded like through the walls.

They must have seen the look on my face because they said they hoped we could still be mates and they'd still take me to rock and roll vomit parties. I told them that would be nice but to be honest I don't believe it.

I went to their toilet and pished all over the seat. Then I left, still friends.

Sweaty Metal Jam No 1

I went round to the sweaty metallers today to see about their sweaty metal band. The metallers plugged in their flying v guitars and played some mean ass dragon force shit. I got carried away and started slam dancing their and then and they loved that almost as much as my heavy metal screaming.

They handed me some song lyrics they wanted me to sing. It was here that it went down hill a wee bit, because the lyrics were sheee-ite. They were all about how some fellah (me I assume) and hi wuman were at some banquet getting it on when the orc hords invaded and tried to slay us all. It was pure pish but I just screamed away hoping I could change them at a later date. The sweaty metallers loved what they heard and told me I had to come to a vomit party at their mates up in Newtownbreda

I went home to get changed but had to stay in because I found Fabian Wildman sitting with a bottle of tesco's vodka and five lighters for a pound drinking and sniffing away and balling his eyes out too. He's just lost his job.