How Do You Break Things Gently?

Last night was excrutiating. When I got in from work Hot Baby Roy and Wino Jo sat me down and told me to be honest about their rendition of the Anfield Rap.

Instead of a backing track they took turns at human beatbox while the other rapped. It was pants, they looked as awkward as any X-factor finalist and wore expressions of "please say this is shit to get me out of doing this".

I didn't want to be the bad guy who spoiled their dreams of being cool fly rappers who get the leotard girls. I also thought that maybe if I let them make dicks out of themselves it might make me look a bit cooler and then I could be sensitive and pull. In the end I had to tell them.

"Listen lads," I said. "I think you need more practise."
"But is it going to work?" Hot Baby Roy asked, he kept rolling his hands waiting for me to elaborate.
"No," I said after a while. "I don't think it will."
They looked crestfallen.
"You know you can both sing," I said. This is half true, Wino Jo can sing, Hot Baby Roy, while not being awful, is only tolerable for one song. "Why don't we get them a Kareoke game or something, then you can both croon at them."
Hot Baby Roy went up to his room and started smashing things. A single salty tear rang down Wino Jo's face and he licked it off and whispered:

"Salty," without looking at me.

L-I-V E-R-P double O-L Liverpool FC!

Today I've been feeling better but I'm not going outside incase it aggravates it and I get the sniffles again.

Hot Baby Roy seems fine with Wino Jo's new found friendship because they're both working on the clear assumption that they're getting it on with the girls next door.

They've recently found out that both girls support Liverpool FC and now they're swotting up on all Liverpool related stuff. This won't be easy because neither of them like football at all and slag it off. Now they're all Rafael Benitez and Gerrard might be moving clubs and all that.

I can see it all dying on it's arse the first time they watch football together and either Hot Baby Roy or Wino Jo falls asleep and starts drooling on themselves.

It's going to be balls. Foot-balls. The Leotard Girls foots in Wino Jo and Hot Baby Roy's balls when they find they're just trying to get some hot leotard action. Fuckers the pair of them.