On My Own Again

So last night the Punchbowl Girl sits me down and says she wants to talk about us.

This sounds bad but instead of bursting into tears and screaming "no this isn't fair," I say. "Sure what's up."

She says that we've been having a lot of fun and she wants to know if I'm just hanging out with her or if I'd like her to be my girlfriend.

I tell her that I thought it was a given we were boyfriend and girlfriend especially after the whole spandex thing and she says no.

Then I say that I'd like her to be my girlfriend very much.

Then we kiss and it's all looking like it's going to be a happy ending until she tells me that she's off tomorrow for a week long holiday with her family.

Then I burst into tears (I don't really but it's funny because it refers to me doing something I thought I was going to do earlier but didn't do). I huffed a wee bit because the truth is I'm going to miss her while she's away.

I'm turning into a sappy boy. Oh dear.

A Family Update

My Fruitarian Brother showed up at my house today. I haven't seen any of my brothers in ages.

He was telling me that Wino Jo is getting out of hand. He's still off the booze but telling everyone that they're wrong about everything from what music they listen to to how they see society. I told him that he was being a dick at the end of living here and not letting Hot Baby Roy watch his teen romances.

Then he said that our Hot Shot Banker Brother was fed up trying to make his millions banking and turned to gambling, everyone thought it was a turn for the worse, except he was really good at it and after a few lucky big wins had fucked off to Switzerland rich as fuck. He posted him back pictures of him skiing and in a jacuzzi with lots of girls and a message on the back saying "which one for my wife?"

He said that he was thinking about going vegan (the phase before he goes full on fruitarian) and that our metaller brother was still listening to screaming hot electric heavy metal rock and roll solos on his hifi.

And that was it for the family update. Nice to catch up once in a while.

I asked him if he wanted some pancakes and he sat for a few but I'm sure he barfaramma'd them up in the bogs before he left. Yuk!

He said that it was his birthday next month and he wanted us to have an ethical party at his house. I don't know what an ethical party is but it sounds like the sort of thing to put Wino Jo back on the booze.

Looking for a new hobby

Already I'm hyped because I'm amped. I got up early yesterday morning and licked the bowl. I'm going to need to find a hobby in the coming weeks so I don't get lonely, what with Fabian Wildman having a job. There's only so much dog walking you can do. I think I might start going to the zoo and feeding the animals. I haven't been to Belfast Zoo in years and it'd be nice to go and hang out with all the monkeys and thank fuck one of my ancestors decided to jump down from the tree and walk upright. It's strange to think about how your parents and beyond influenced you. Like all the people who have big wonky heads because their ma's drank booze when they were in the womb.

I thought about researching my family tree but when I said this to Fabian Wildman he said that there was only so much I could find out on line, I'd need money to travel about the show so that was a big no no.

When I asked him for suggestions he gave me a funny look and said - "you could try getting a job."

Fuck me, he hasn't even started and he's already talking like a big capitalist scumbag. See if he starts catching shoplifters I'll loose all faith in humanity.

If he forgets who he is I'll play him this Neil Young song to remind him:

I got a call from my metaller brother today. He wants me to come to an intervention for my fruitarian brother. It really sucks because on the one hand I have to help out family but on the other I'm a little annoyed that they never held one for me when I was smoking crack all the time.

My fruitarian brother is a worry: he weighs under ten stone, and he's six foot two. None of us visit him hardly because he barely ever wears clothes. He doesn't shave or cut his hair and he looks like Jungle Barry. He just wanders about his garden hoping that pears will fall off his pear tree. It's so sad. I sometimes bring him a bag of bananas because I know he needs his potassium K. He eyes them suspiciously but I know he eats them when I go home.

The thing is I'd just like to see him get on with his life. If he even had a fruitarian girlfriend or even another type of fruit tree he might have a bit more variety in his life.

This thing is tomorrow and I know it's going to be long and awkward, having to listen to all his arguments about nature and the like, and then counter them with facts about his emaciated form.

Wish me luck.