The Unemployable Hot Baby Roy

Me and Hot Baby Roy have both ran out of dole at the same time. So we're both talking about where we're going to rob. I've told him to stay away from Dunnes because they might recognise him from going in with me.

He thanked me for the tip off and said that he felt greatful. It seemed like we were talking more open and freely about ourselves than we'd done in a long time so I asked him:

"Do you ever look for work Hot Baby Roy?"

"No," he said shaking his head. "I'm unemployable. I'm blacklisted with every recruitment agency in Belfast. I'd show up for the new job, sometimes I'd smoke crack to get over the nerves, or try some office flirting. It never went my way. It wasn't my fault, I wanted a job and to be the hot boy in the office but I found out that that doesn't suit me. It's just a foolish dream. So I thought about getting together my own little pub quiz. You know, kick out the people using mobile phones, cheeky winks and bonus points for hot ladies but no one wanted to help me buy my dream. I asked everywhere. No one wanted to help me. No one wanted Hot Baby Roy to succeed. And that's why I steal because no one gave me what I wanted when I asked for it."

So off we went out for theft. Hot Baby Roy came home late, drunk with no booty and a black eye.

He said he didn't want to talk about it, and had maybe said more than was smart earlier.

Lonely Mrs. Puddinghead - Part 2

So I've this plan to get a new job and I pop off to the job centre to find that it's full of folk wanting jobs, all the oul gang are still there but they're outnumbered by all these high fallutin types wanting work. It's not cool, except Mrs Puddinghead is well busy and really pissed off that's she's speaking to people who actually want to work for a change.

I start looking through the jobs and see there's one for a kissogram. I think this would rock for me because I could borrow Fabian Wildman's Zentai and rock out to fuck in a house full of lovely ladies all wanting kissed. I would but I remember one time spying on Mrs. Puddinghead (out of boredom) and seeing a male kissogram show up to her lonely house night after night but then one night the kissogram didn't come any more and I asked The Albino about it one time he was in a good mood and he laughed and told me that she'd been blacklisted by every kissogram company in the province because she always liked to look on their visits as dates and wanted to move their relationship to the next level but they wouldn't and how she cried and begged and bought them chocolates and expensive brandy. He laughed so much his cheeks turned a pinkish-white. Nasty bastard.

I don't like Mrs Puddinghead but that's one of the saddest stories I've ever heard. I remembered her crying the other week and I still think she's a bitch but I can't help but feel sorry for her. I think I'll just avoid her in here if I can (I was trying to do that anyway) or just recognise that her nastiness is just a reaction to the love she sees everywhere but never feels herself.