Dick Lick For Breakfast

I haven't been to work since Friday, not because of Betty Blue and Kiss Boy, and not because of someone starting a facebook group for this blog (it makes me feel super cool).

No, I've been off work with man flu. I've just felt really under the weather. I might have had a dodgy kebab on the way home on Friday. I'm not sure. I don't want to say where I bought it from in case it wasn't their fault but I'm not eating out of there again.

I came down this morning to find that there was nothing in the house for breakfast. Battle Cat was fine because we always keep scraps for him in a bowl. But all I had was a couple of suspect looking pancakes. They seemed okay so I toasted them but I couldn't find any butter or jam. The only thing there was to flavour it was a bottle of dick lick sitting on the living room coffee table (which means Hot Baby Roy has been having sex in the living room! Dirty bastard! It's my couch!)

I took a slurp to see what it tasted like. I was alright. I'll go shopping later and get proper jam but Dick Lick was nice with the pancakes. I don't think it'd go nice with toast.

Dick Lick, Yummy Yummy!

Revenge on the Metallers

I still haven't calmed down about not being invited to the house party. So much so that last night I decided I couldn't take it any more. So I broke in next door and spat all over the Sweaty Metallers while they slept. I gave them both the fingers and went downstairs and helped myself to tea and toast that I knew they would want for their breakfast.

Then I went back round to my house and celebrated by sniffing some felt tips. It was in the middle of this that I realised that they didn't wash and probably wouldn't notice I'd spat all over them. So I went back round and wrote "I spat on you" all over their mirrors and "heavy metal is devil music".

That will teach them.