Back To Work

A back to work interview is a weird thing. It's a formality and it's as scripted as the shit we go over on the telephone. It's a lot like having a conversation with an uninformed Mr.Spock.

London Girl sat and asked me what was wrong.

I told her I was ill, in bed fever,puking and the one that makes most people stop asking questions, diarrhea. It didn't feel like flu but we put it down as flu.

I only missed four days of work, so I didn't need a doctors note, I had phoned in before work started so I had followed procedure. All this aside, London Girl tried to barge on with a big grin and the words, "Absenteeism is unnacceptable." This was meant to be something she had to say and to be fair I think the just wanted to get it out and leave it there but I was pissed off so I started asking her what about the time she was snowed in and couldn't come to work.

She said that was different because she couldn't leave the house. I told her I couldn't leave me room and she started this pishy crap about how I could have sat at the desks and answered phones and all that balls. I said that I had no intention of soiling myself with diarrhea in front of the rest of the staff and that to expect me to do so was inhumane.

I think I made my point but I've a sneaking suspicion she won't forget it to me.

Hot Baby Roy Gets Dug

Last night was spent in casualty at the City Hospital. Hot Baby Roy called round looking like someone had kicked his fuck in. I was a bit pissed off because I haven't seen him in a while. I almost told him to go fuck but when I had a good look at him I felt sorry for him. He'd a big fuck off black eye and a real sorry for himself look on his face. There was blood pissing out of his nose and he couldn't straighten his arm properly.

I put my coat on and took him to casualty. The taxi driver was a right dick. He almost didn't let Hot Baby Roy in because he was bleeding. I told him if he got any on the seats I'd pay for the cleaning (but I'd no intention of doing this).

Once at casualty there was a sign up saying said we'd only have a few hours to wait. This wasn't so bad because there was a newspaper with sudoku on it which I sat and worked with while Hot Baby Roy babbled on about what he'd been up to.

He started talking about how he'd seen Mother of Bowling Ball and asked him not to hurt me.

I asked him was that what happened him. He said no and that he'd been giving his sex man speech to some totally hot babes in Lavery's when he got his balls kicked up and out through his mouth (this is a metaphor apparently) by their baddie boyfriends.

"I wish they'd let me fight them one at a time," he kept saying. Or shouting, he was getting really emotional and I had to make menacing eye contact with some other sick people.

We eventually got called after 8 hours and stuck in a wee shit cubicle for another hour. We were so bored when we were in there we started looking round for things to steal. Hot Baby Roy found some incontinence nappies and said he'd love to get some wee Methody doll in one.

I couldn't find anything to beat that so I sat and huffed. The cool doctor came in after a bit and gave Hot Baby Roy some stroke tests and wiggled his arm about. It was all a bit balls really. We got send home with instructions for Hot Baby Roy to come back if he starts projectile vomiting.