Fabian Has Enough

I came into the living room this morning to find Fabian Wildman on the phone. The calls went something like this:

"I'd like to view the room in ___________"
(mutter)
"When can I view it?"
(mutter)
"I'm not working at the minute, I need housing benefit."
(mutter)
"It didn't say you don't take it in your fucking advert you fucking cock."

Then he'd slam the phone down, shake his head and say "ballbags".

Poor Fabian, I know it's stressing him out that he can't find anywhere.

He's been telling me all about the overpriced shitholes he's been to see. He says they're all owned by ballbags, half the places haven't been cleaned and most of them are rotten with damp.

Sort it out ballbag landlords. Fabian needs a new place to live (but I don't want to see him go).

Fabian Can't Find a House

Fabian Wildman might not be moving out so soon. He says that him and Betty Blue have been out seeing houses and everywhere looks like a Who's Who of lonely Belfast. He's had people half skip screaming round the house with him about how much fun it's going to be when Fabian Wildman moves in with them and when he does they can go to the pub! (like it was the only one - and they'd never been).

That and the money being charged for shared accomodation is fucking ridiculous. £220 for some grotty wee shithole with rust on the walls and piss stains in the carpet. He says it was down on gumtree, daft, homefinder or whenever as "luxury", just because it had some shit hippy rug on the floor from the Oxfam beside Fresh Garbage.

He saw one place he nearly took but then he heard the guy in the next room have a wank, clear as anything, the wall was like a glorified shower curtain. He just said "no fucking way," there and then. The landlord told him it was a good price, Fabian told him he was a theiving bastard and left.