Sweat and Balls

Not doing crack anymore I rarely see anyone from the old crack days. I never really saw them anyway, they were mostly people I saw during bouts of no crack and then sharing for when I'd no crack again.

Only today I came across Zim Van Bindle on the bus. Zim Van (to his friends) shouted down the bus at me "HEY DUDE, I OWE YOU SOME SMOKING TIME", then he realised that everyone was staring at him and he started shouting:



Then he danced all the way up the bus with his big blood shot eyes and a biscuit tin he'd probably been busking with.

"HE DUDE, YOU GETTING OFF AT THE NEXT STOP FOR SOME YAY?"

"Yes," I said. I planned to get off the bus with him and kick his fuck in but once off I went back and had a smoke of crack with him for old times sake.

Indie Kids Fight Back

Last night I was waiting on a bus on the Lisburn Road when I saw the funniest thing. This indie kid (not the one from my street) was standing at a bus stop with his his girlfriend when this spide comes along and starts slagging him off for his tight jeans and non-ironic moustache.

The wee indie kid took it for about a minute, then he looked at his girlfriend, then at me, and then he said to the spide to leave him alone.

"What the fuck like?" the spide said. "I'm just being some crack, no need to be a wee fruity boy about it."

"I'm not being anything," the indie kid says. "I'm just wanting to catch my bus."

"Wind yer neck in ballbag," the spide says slapping him around the head.

"YOU DON'T SLAP ME IN THE FUCKING HEAD," the indie kid shouted at him getting all up in the spide's face.

"Are you fucking starting?" the spide says getting his pigeon chest going.

"YOU WERE STARTING FIVE FUCKING MINUTES AGO," The wee indie kid shouts as he rattles him in the side of the face and starts knocking fuck out of him. "THIS ISN'T A GAME OF YOU MAKE A DICK OUT OF ME AND FUCK OFF SNIGGERING."

The indie kid's girlfriend started to cry. I didn't know if she was crying because of fear or because she didn't agree with violence but I wanted to tell her that he was in the right and the spide was the one who was bad.

Crack Memories

I once pished myself on a bus, when I was high on crack. I'm saying this because I'm strongly tempted to have some because Fabian Wildman is giggling about all over the house high and happy and I'm starting to miss it.

Part of me thinks I should kick him out because much as he's bad for me.

Anyways when I pished myself it was on a bus back from my metaller brother's house in Larne. Balkazaler (the Daemon who looks like Sammy Wilson of The DUP) was sitting beside me at the time refusing to give his seat up for an old age pensioner, when I heard a dripping sound.

"I think you've spilt your Lucozade," he chortled.

"Oh crumbs," I spat looking up into the wee old woman's face. "If you tell anyone about this I'll find you."

Then I got off at the next stop.

When I looked back at the bus window the old bitch was cackling away to herself even though she was now sitting in a puddle of my pish.