How Do I Get Rid of Leotard Parties Next Door?

Fabian Wildman left half a bottle of real piss in my bathroom. I don't know why he didn't piss in the toilet? He's used it many times in the past. I threw it out in the alleyway but then I became paranoid about a wino finding it and drinking it so I put it in the Leotard Girls' bin. I hope it attracts rats to their house because I'm sick of being woken up in the night by their shit leotard parties that I'm never invited to. They had one last night that ended up with a mad scrap in the streets (two spides digging each other in the mouth). The leotard girls stood out in the street cackling away.

I stuck on the TV and watched retards sleeping on Big Brother. Lucky bastards, they don't have spide fuelled leotard parties going on nearby.

A Visit From The Death Owl

We had a visit from the Death Owl today, or more to the point I did. Fabian had taken Battle Cat for a walk and I was sitting round the house wondering if I could lick the bowl when the door went.

"Hello Tuesday Kid," he said with an overly friendly voice that didn't match the sneer on his face.

"Hello Death Owl," I answered. "Is there something I can do for you?"

"Yes, give this to Fabian Wildman," he said reaching me an envelope.

I thought he was here to try to get revenge for Fat Rab and Hooka. The envelope was already opened so I looked in it.

It was a court summons for his shoplifting.

"Here, I'm not giving it to him," I said reaching him the envelope.

"Too late," he smirked pulling his hands away.

"You shouldn't have taken this," I said to him. "You should have said you didn't know where he was."

"But I did know," he smirked. The he walked off up the road. He was wearing his full satanic robes. I don't know why spides don't kick his fuck in. Maybe they're scared of satan.

Poor Fabian. I think we need to teach the Death Owl a lesson.