Saturday, 19 January 2013

Everyone's Plan B

Vladamir Punk roamed the parks of London looking for busty wenches he could escort through the foggy city to his sex dungeon, but despite London being such a populous city most people hung out in groups.

Vladamir found it easy to approach girls when they were on their own. He didn't mind if his girlfriend had friends but on the initial meeting all it would take to spoil things would be a tittering idiot that needed an arse kicking while Vladamir made his sincere declarations of love at first sight.

In the end Vladamir could only find a so-so looking girl sitting glumly on a bench with a face that looked like an ashtray, and not just because you wanted to stub fags out in it. Vladamir walked up to the mutt and said:

'Well well, this is my lucky day to find so fair a princess sat on her own, all lonely in such a lovely park.' It wasn't his best line by a stretch but Vladamir was sure no one had even come close to spouting poetic lines like this to her. Oh yes Vladamir knew she was already stuck to the bench.

'Listen mate,' she returned in an accent similar to any ugly but special girl reading this to herself to fill that void that no one else will. 'You think you can just spout your shit and I'll let you into my knickers. No way. Now get fucked. Mary Sue doesn't spread her legs for a half assed attempt like yours.'

Then she stood up and spat on the ground. Vladamir thought she had spat at him but her buck teeth deflected it on the ground. Vladamir had been insulted and his pride told him that this mutt was destined to be lonely all her life, as she constantly rejected all the men who had seen her as plan B. She would be no ones plan A, unless Vladamir were to make her his plan A.

Vladamir would let her fume for now, but London being London you can always find people when you need them...if fate is on your side.